1/1/09

Time for an update, ya think? LOL. Im afraid Im gonna be all over the place on this one. My thought process is not as it should be just because its been a crazy week and I’ve got lots to say and don’t know where to begin, so bear with me.
Lots happnin and not enough time to write it down, but of course, I'll try, as usual. I had some time to actually sit and reflect on the past year and how my life has truly changed. Some for the better, some for the worse, but we wont call it that. We'll agree to call it areas worth improving. It seems to have a much better ring to it.

Im no longer calling myself newly single, since its been a good year now that the ExHusbear and I split up, relationshipwise. When U think about it though, compared to the fact that we were together a solid 10 yrs, and I've been single now for only one, Newly single does kinda still have its place in my life. We still have our friendly relationship and I think we will always be close. We have truly beaten the awkward ex phase and have remained very close friends. As a matter of fact, we recently celebrated what we now call our 1 year "Un-niversary" out with friends. On the day of our anniversary, he sent me an email at work with the subject line: "Just wanted to wish U a Happy Anni....Oops, Sorry." We had a big laugh about it, and had dinner later on, to celebrate our long standing friendship. I only wish other exes could be so lucky when relationships evolve like ours has. I mean, this Christmas, we had dinner at my apartment with about 8 guests, and we both shared in cooking the dinner. It made sense to do it at my place since I did get the table in the divorce, lol. But with it all said, its been a so-so year.

Im relearning all the "tricks" to being single, and the benefits and shortfalls that it bestows. I can say that I've been on a few roller coaster of dating scenarios this past year, trying to get my feet wet again, so to speak. I say Roller coaster because after the few semi serious attempts to reconnect with the dating world, the men I was interested in ended up being just that, typical men, and when its all said and done, U look back and realize that you have just been taken for one big ride. With that said, I've learned to pick up some really good eye opening traits and also some really irrational bad habits when it comes to who I select as a possible dateable guy. That irrational part is that of the scenario is that I have stricken one name in particular off my list of ever trying to get involved with, since both guys I briefly dated and thought things were serious, and in the end, left, both shared the same name in either the first or middle names. So I am leery and probably wont do that again. I'll ask up front when meeting a guy, "Does your name have the name ***** in the first, middle or last?" If so, we probably wont talk for much longer. I know, its totally irrational, and I know that, but its mine to be irrational with and Im gonna own it. Lets move on.

The good, being that I am ready to enjoy being single, since I've now moved out into the world in my own apartment. Having a great time meeting people and actually being able to say, sure, come on over to my place for dinner, or whatever, if the time is right. Its becoming my own space and I've already thrown several party to really make it feel like home.

As I said, I know Im all over the place with my topics tonite, but can someone please tell me this? What is the big problem with dating a guy that’s done porn? Nowadays, it seems like everybody’s out there doin it and its no big deal. I started going on a couple of dates with a guy recently and as soon as he found out, that’s the last I heard from him. Its just not right, I tell ya. Does porn make me a bad person? A dirty person? I think not, well, only in the mind. It’s the perception of what it entails I guess. I don’t know. Somebody help me out here. Its only happened once but if this is going to be a trend, then someone has to change that perception. I don’t have time for that kind of crap. I’ve had a very interesting few years, take me as I am or move on. Apparently Im goin thru a few that have chosen to move on. Next time I’ll cut to the chase and open with. “Hi. My name is ------, and I’ve done porn. You’re cute.” If they turn and run from that point, then it wasn’t meant to be. Oh well, enough of the ranting on that issue.

On another important note, one that has something directly to do with this site and my journey with it, I decided a while back this year to actually put the porn thing to rest. It was something I wanted to do, I did it, now its time to move on to something else. As for the site. I have it til mid summer, then once the site expires, I’ll let it go. Harry Wolfe will always be someone I can look back on and say, Hey, I was him for a while, and be done with it. I think I’ll focus on my bass playing a little more and try to join a band. I think I’ve gotten good enough to follow along with just about anything I hear on the radio, so lets find a band to test my knowledge so far. Who knows, I could have a whole new career waiting for me. For the next few months, I’ll try to add more pics from the collection I have but have never released. Might take some time to pick out the ones I want to share, but I’ll try to come up with something fresh for the impending doom of this site, lol.

For now, that’s it, my fingers are tired, Im gonna stop here til next time.

Happy Holidays, Guys,

Woof/Harry Wolfe.

 

 

9/9/08

I guess I could start this whole thing out by extensively apologizing for being so absent from this site for so long, in fact, the entire summer, which is normally well beyond what I've done in the past. I could promise profusely that I'll try to be better at writing, as so many of you have written asking "Whats up?" I could do all that, sure, but I'm not going to. I say that for this reason, over the summer of putting things on the backburner, my priorities have shifted, my life has changed, and quite frankly, I'd gotten bored with it for a while. I didnt know if I wanted to even continue writing at all. Sometimes I had so much time on my hands that it would be just second nature to just pickup and start blogging my heart out onto the screen like I used to do. That just didn't happen. I think that some of it came from being so busy in my day to day life and so many things were happening that I would put it off for this huge, grand, novel of a posting that it became too much to write and I put it off. At any rate, Im not apologizing and making promises anymore because if I slip and fall back again into not writing, Im gonna disappoint the few people that come back time and time again waiting for the next installment of my post. So, here it is, if its here, read on. If not, just know that will at least say goodbye before signing off for good. So there, now that I've gotten that off my chest, on with the good stuff.

My summer has been, for all intents and purposes, phenomenal to say the least. I've done things in the past 3 months that I could have only dreamed of when it came to even my own fantasies. I've met a lot of new friends, as well as severed ties with others for reasons I wont go into here. Its all in the transition of things that life has to throw at you from time to time. Take your lumps and move on. But overall, I'd have to rank this summer right at the top.

Lets go back now, shall we? The last time I wrote was early June. I had been preparing to celebrate my birthday in grand style, where I normally go, the local strip club, surrounded by all my friends, drinking the night away. Well, somehow, the turnout was far beyond, what I expected, since everyone knows that when inviting people to a party, only about 50% actually show up, if that, even if they all say they will attend, so to get a bigger crowd, you sort of "overbook" on your invitations. Now mind U that this was no e-vite thing or a formal inviatation by any means, this was, sending out a blanket text, and word of mouth, kinda, "Hey its my birthday in a week, come help me celebrate here at this time, no gifts, just be there". U go to the party destination and whoever shows up, is there and the party commences. Well, that didnt happen this time, or should I say it did, but without the 50% rule in place. I invited about 30 plus people to be there, in a club where normally, when we do this for others at this particular spot, we take a few tables, preferably up front and close to the stage for the Birthday boy, whoever he may be, and the others pull tables around as they arrive to join the group.

By the middle of the evening, there's like maybe a small mass of maybe 10 or so people gathered around one spot in the bar where if U can see the clusters of similar groups, you can usually tell there's some sort of birthday gathering goin on. Wouldnt U know, that by the time the night was half over, and I was slowly losing my consciousness due to birthday shots ordered for me by the gallon it seems, I turned around to see the group of people that were there for my party, I think I about cried, on the inside, of course, because as far as I could see, the entire left side of the bar, which takes up quite a bit of space, was for me. So I started to count all the heads that were there, and pulled up a total of about 35 to 40 people in total who showed up, some brought friends as well, which was fine, the more the merrier in party situations, but that shocked even me. In past years, I've only had maybe 15 at the most show up. Granted, I do know the main draw of the evening was to get to see the dancers in nothing but, well, nothing. However, it was very comforting to know that they were there because I invited them. That gives me the warm and fuzzies to no end, lol. Long story short, I ended up celebrating the weekend with my softball team, my ex and our friends, had a 2, yes, 2 day hangover and had more fun than I think I've ever had on previous birthdays ever. I think that for my 40th next year, I may not do the strip bar but something more official. U only turn 40 once, legally, at least, lol.

Along with summer and my birthday, our Pride weekend is pretty much a hand in hand event because one normally falls within a week of the other. This year, however, was drasticly different because of the Park restrictions and the water restrictions and so many other restrictions that Atlanta wasnt allowed to hold it in the normal place, and not even during the normal time. Instead, we had to hold it 2 weeks later in a Civic Center parking lot. How lame is that? Very lame. There was such little audience participation this year and what we were left with wasnt all that impressive. We stayed for the duration of the parade, did a once around in the parking lot where all the tents were holed up, then left. Pretty sad if U ask me.

Next was the end of Softball season, and I have to say, despite the fact that I was on one of the losingest teams in the division, we certainly knew how to drink after each game, lol. If I've strengthened anything this year, its gonna hands down go to my liver, lol. All jokes aside, its been a great year with them and Im so glad I joined when I did. I have met a group of guys that Im gonna be friends with for a very long time. We all have our little idiocyncracies, that grate on each other's nerves, but thats what family does, in no uncertain terms. Some of them have gotten closer to me than others, but I love em all just the same. Im comin back next year, so watch out.

Things at home have been strained as far as my living arrangements were. When the Husbear and I broke up last November, I decided to stay and stick it out for a while to see to it that our friendship remained intact. I feel like we both believe that after 10 yrs of being together, there is no sense in walking away with nothing to show for it. I'm extremely glad we both took that feeling to heart, because we're still friends, havent killed each other, and still see each other as family. That being the emotional part of it, is quite different from the physical part of it, and when I say that I mean the living arrangement. I was relegated to live in the "office" on the futon as in the terms of the divorce. Which was fine, at first, but as time went on, I started to feel my identity slip, meaning, my living space started to be my only spot in the house that was really mine anymore, which is understandable, but I had finally reached the realization that it was high time I found a place of my own. The walls in the office were really starting to close in on me. So thats what I did. And with that decision, I moved out into my own apartment just under a month ago, granted, 2 miles away from where we both lived, its something that I can call my own.

I've pretty much had to start again from the ground up as far as furnishing the place, but its been worth it, and with the help of close friends, I've been able to slowly build it up into something nice to actually come "home" to at night. I still see the ExHusbear at least 3 times a week as we're still very close, however I'm slowly starting to find my independence again, since even though we werent together anymore, I didnt really feel the fact set in that we were apart. Now that its truly a fact, Im finding it a bit exciting yet scary in the same breath to be on my own again. We'll see how it goes.

Well, as far as being single again, I guess I can do one of two things. I can be single and enjoy it for what it is, or start dating again, or at least try to. I've dabbled in the dating field a bit since the breakup, but living with your ex can be a steady date killer, as people have told me as well as experienced on my own. Its always the same no matter who U are, as in the ones U want, rarely ever want U, and the ones that want U, are never the ones U want. I've even dated steadily for a good month or two with one person that after pushing for a relationship so hard in the beginning, only ended up leaving me for someone he met a month before with the excuse, "well, if I had only met U a month earlier...." to that, I'll say "we'd be broken up a month earlier too", but Im not bitter, so I let it go for what it was, a cheap fling that in the end, meant nothing but a fun roll in the hay. So be it. Now, Im slowing it down, but have gotten myself quite smitten with one person I met this spring. We've gotten to know each other and have gotten close, but again, I think I've gotten attatched to someone who in the end, isnt a cheap fling, but someone who is, to me, simply unobtainable. We've gone on a few dates, had a great time together, and he's expressed some interest in me at first, but, when it all comes down to it, I get the feeling that when I look at it and see it for what it is, he's just not all that into me. Well, not enough to at least attempt to settle down and really concentrate on what I might be able to offer into his life. He plays sports like nobody's business, constantly on the go, and Im finding myself to be the needy and insecure one when it comes to the intimacy part of it, partly because of the insecurities brought on by the previous dating fiasco. I mean I have my own self to blame in some of it, meaning I saw it coming, but as I've learned, one doesnt necessarily take one's own advice, and thats a very bad thing. I can talk the hard talk and face the issues of other people's problems better than most psychiatrists out there, but put an emotional dilemma on my plate and I just crumble. Where's all that good advice I had to give to someone else? Gone, lol. But as far as the new guy goes, he's a true sweetie, and I really like him a lot, and he knows it, because I have told him on more than one occasion. And we've even "gone there" a few times, but ultimately, its his call on whether to move further or not. But I've also determined that I'd be a fool to put my life on hold while he finds himself, and hopefully me in the future. So until the day that I decide to let go and be "friends" and leave it at that, slowing down is not an option, however, maybe keeping the light on for him isnt so far fetched. We'll see.

So there U have it. The many multiple reasons for my long absense from my own site. I wont apologize because its been my own learning experience and life experience that tells me that I have my own time frame for doing things. And when the time is right to come back to the site, then I'll do so in my writing. Looks like I've had plenty to tell so far. And as long as I dont get too behind, I might have more to say, but again, no promises to do anything but to have fun along the way.

Until next time.

Woof/ Harry Wolfe

 

6/2/08

Hey guys, I know its been way too long since I have written in here and its long overdue for an update so here it is. I have been quite busy with things in the real world that have kept me from coming back as much as I normally did. Truth be told though, there were times over the last 8 weeks that I simply didnt feel like writing. There were too many things in my personal life that were interfering with me having a little peace and quiet and the mental capacity to focus on anything but what I was dealing with at the moment. With that said, I have regained my thoughts and composure long enough to at least put a little something down in this space, so here goes.

Looking back at where I was, my main focus was softball at the moment. Well, over the weeks, I have developed quite a few things worth noting. I have improved 100% thru diligent practice and personal practice with both hitting and catching the ball. I am now playing every other game, due to the amount of people on our team, we switch people out so that everyone gets a chance to play. I have acquired such a strong group of friendships from joining the league this year not only from my teammates as well as other teams. After jumping out of my shell on this one and trying something I had never tried before, Im so glad I did this year. We're having too much fun to really concentrate on anything but fun. We only have a few more weekend games left to play, so come see us sometime if U get a wild hair. We play at the Atlanta Metro Fields down off Fulton Ind. Blvd. Every Sunday and then drink our asses off at whatever the host bar of the week may be. We'd love to have U.

On other fronts, I think I mentioned very briefly on the fact that I was starting to get out there and date again. I think Im ready to at least venture out and see what these men out here have to offer as well as do they like what I have to offer them, and no, not entirely sexually. If there's anything I've learned out of my past 10 yr relationship, its that sex is important, but not all important. So far, I have had some really good ups as well as some terrible lows in this field, by allowing myself to let someone get as close and really hurt me. This was all done by going way too fast and opening up more than I was willing to get hurt. But someone also told me, that its all a risk when U put yourself out there like that and there will be times when U do it and the other person responds accordingly. It can also happen the other way, when U put yourself out there to be vulnerable, U dont get what U want, but the bigger picture is that U were able to regroup, pull yourself together, and start over again, and most importantly, learn from your mistakes. If U can take that lesson into consideration, the next time wont be so hard. However I am finding it a bit harder to trust people in that arena again, so I'm gonna just lay back and see what comes to me for a while. Sure, I have an occasional FB, who doesnt? But I'll save the feelings for someone I really know and learn to trust over time. So Im closing the book on that for a while. Lets have some fun.

As I mentioned in my little blurb on the main page, I went to IML last weekend in Chicago and had a blast as always. I ran into old faces, new faces, and even got to settle a complete misunderstanding on my part with someone who I can now consider a friend. U should have seen how well we made up, lol. M, U know who U are, and I hope U see this. Here's to a great new friendship, and if ever in Atlanta, U have a place to stay and a tourguide at that, if we ever crawl out of bed, lol.

I got to finally see the finished version of what will be my last movie to be released. Its called "Code Black" from ForbiddenFunkMedia. I have my copy and it will soon be available to purchase online, and if things work out, I will sell them from my own website and even autograph a few in the process. I will keep U informed on that should it come to light.

Last on my list, June is my Birthday month. The real date is on the 20th, but I was encouraged by a very good friend a few years ago to celebrate the whole month instead of just the day. So thats what Im doing. 38 was such a great year, lets see how well 39 treats me. We'll find out on the 20th. I'll keep y'all posted.

Stay safe y'all,
Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

4/10/08

Almost 6 weeks and I hadn’t written a thing. That’s almost a record for me. Running around like crazy trying to learn new things about yourself does that to U. I’ve been allowing myself to try a few new things, stretch my limits of what I want to try to accomplish. I know, I haven’t finished my first paragraph and already I’m speaking in circles. Lets try this again, shall we?

First off, the movie, Code Black, that was slated for release in March, has been pushed back. As for a release date, I have no idea. My thing is, it will get here when it gets here. So stay tuned on either my site or the company’s website at www.forbiddenfunk.com for details. I promise U, it will be a good one.

As for other activities in my life, still considering myself newly single after 10 yrs, I’m starting to open myself up again for a little fun, whether it be platonic or not, its better than sitting around moping, so I have gone on a few dates as of recent, as well as taken up a brand new activity altogether, sports. More specifically, that sport would be softball. I joined a gay softball league for the first time. For the sake of picking a place to start, lets start with the softball.

I joined the softball league because I wanted to try something new, and the fact that I always wanted to try it. Plus it’s a great new way to meet guys as far as Im concerned, and there are plenty to be met, if U ask me. I am on a team that puts you on a team based on your ability to play. The leagues are broken down from A to D. A, being the most competitive and experienced players, and D, for those that want to just come out, hit the ball a few times, and have some fun in the process. As you progress thru the years, U are reevaluated and U might go up a league or possibly down, or stay right where U are. So for all intents and purposes, since I haven’t hit a ball since the 8th grade, Im placed cozily in the D league, which is just fine by me. We go to practice every Saturday, and play on Sundays with the other teams in town, and afterward, go to a host bar and drink to the fact that we made it thru our games in one piece, or sometimes, drink to those who didn’t, and that does happen a lot.

So I got onto a specific team based on a coach in a D league that I knew was looking for players. He told me to come to practice and we’ll take it from there, which I did. What I didn’t know, was that the first practice I attended was their 3rd and it was to involve a scrimmage game against another practicing team, which was cool. It allowed me to actually see where I stood in my hitting and catching ability in a firsthand game situation. Man, oh man, why did I go and do that?

My first time at bat since the 8th grade, in my head, it was simple. Just go to the plate, hit the ball as far as it would go, and run. I mean, how hard could it possibly be? The ball was pitched, I swung, Strike 1! And again, Strike 2! Now keep in mind, that there was another team as well as others onlooking from the stands as we played this exhibition game, and as far as I was concerned, the entire world, including national news cameras were there too to capture my humiliation on tape, at least that’s what was playing in my head. In reality, there was no more than a crowd of 30 total, and they probably weren’t paying attention to me until the next pitch, but the previous scenario was all too much in the forefront of my mind. This last pitch is make or break for me. The pitch was thrown, I swing, Strike 3! Ok, Im out. So Im worse off than I thought I was when I started. This game is no longer simply hitting the ball, because I have this aversion to none other than, hitting the ball! Since it’s a game scenario, I make my way off the plate, tail between legs and rather quickly so that the other players can hit, I want to slink away deep into the dugout and totally rethink ever joining the league in the first place. If I cant hit the ball, what am I doing here? Well, in reality, I had made it a foot off the plate towards the dugout when I hear the umpire and my new coach screaming to me. Let him hit the ball! The ump agrees and I look into the other team’s eyes as they stand there, waiting for the pity party to begin.

At that moment, I felt like the lowest form of life on earth. I was going to get another shot at bat simply because I couldn’t hit the ball like everyone else within 3 pitches. Well, I knew it couldn’t have gotten worse but I was at least going to hit the ball. I was getting my coach standing behind me, telling me how to stand, the umpire was posturing me over the plate, as well as the coach from the other team, trying his best to give me some encouragement. Now I ask U, HOW SAD IS THAT??? Strike 4 and 5 made me want to dig a hole right at the plate and crawl into it. We were practicing in a neighborhood that had houses all around the softball field and at that moment, the humiliation I was suffering felt like every home in sight had people perched out their windows and porches filled with curious onlookers yelling helpful hints on how to hold the bat, swing the bat and to keep my eye on the ball. I had never felt so much embarrassment in my entire life. No wonder I hadn’t picked up a bat since the 8th grade. I could have been time warped back to the same ball park I failed so miserably at before. Strike 6 and 7, made me sink even lower, but they wouldn’t let me leave the plate til I hit the ball. By the 8th pitch, I swung, made contact with the ball, I heard and felt the contact with the bat as I swung with all my might. The ball fell 2 feet in front of me and was, based on the rules of the game, a good ball. With that, I threw the bad down in front of me, screamed a resounding “I’ll take it!” and took off to first base, lol. The crowd cheered as I made it safely to first base, either glad that I had finally hit the ball or that the ordeal of holding up the game waiting on a pity pitch. Either way, I was glad it was over and I could breathe again. Now if that experience didn’t humble me as to how much practice I really needed, then there was no help for me.

I feel like doing this has accomplished a few things for me. I have made a new group of friends that are in the same position as me, that want to come out and have fun, as well as I’ve made myself busier to take my mind off of things going on at home. Don’t get me wrong, its not bad at all at home, its just helping me to stay in shape, or try to anyway. We’ve already had a pre-season tournament in Birmingham, AL, which in my opinion, helped solidify the group as a team and more like a family. We had a great time and wont soon forget getting to know everybody on both our team and others as well.

OK, I see I’ve talked your ear off already on just softball alone, so I’ll come back in a week or so to discuss other stuff, lol. And hopefully add a few more pics to this site.

Later guys,

Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

2/19/08

Picture this, scenario, for just a moment. You've been kidnapped by two hot black leathermen in a bar, after hours, wearing nothing but boots, a jock, and harness. Your wrists are cuffed and secured on a chain link fence high above your head. The two that have U captive are taking turns roughing U up and forcing U into submission until finally, U have no choice but to give in to their devious and nasty intentions. They force U to suck their huge dicks, getting them hard and ready for whats to come next. They take turns fucking U while U have no choice but to hang there and take their dicks up your ass for what seems like an eternity, pushing your face and body into the fence, causing marks that feel like they'll be permanent based on the force of the pressure they are putting on your body. Finally, when they're done fucking U, they lower your arms and body to a lower position so that they can force U to suck their dicks to their pleasure, and your forced effort not to gag uncontrolably. All of this culminates with them spraying your face with their hot cum and leaving U a heaping mess on the floor as they are finished using U for their fun. Pretty hot fantasy if I dont say so myself. But it really happened, to me, on the set of the latest film I have been priviledged to work on by a brand new, New York based company called Forbidden Funk Media.

The link to the site is here at www.forbiddenfunk.com. The goal of the movie is to show men of color playing together in a hardcore leather environment. The men assembled for this film were brought from all over the country as well as a few locals for a weekend that I consider one of history making proportions. I had a blast and was able to bond with everyone there and have made some pretty cool friends in the process. One of the experiences I will remember most was being able to play with, though off camera, one of my biggest porn crushes in my life, Mario Ortiz himself. Up until minutes before we were all supposed to be on the set, I had no idea he was even going to be involved in the film. I played it cool on the outside, but inside, I was a dizzy school girl standing next to her alltime crush. We hit it off in conversation, and somehow, dont ask me how it happened, but I have learned to expect the unexpected on porn sets, but next thing U know, his dick was out, my dick was out, and I was on my knees in front of him doing the fluff job of a lifetime. Unfortunately we werent in the same scene on camera, but what a show we got to put on behind the scenes, and dont think I didnt get pics of that event, lol. The world will probably never see them, strictly for my eyes and fantasies to cum, lol. The finished product is called "Code Black" and will be available March of 2008. I'll keep U posted on any events to happen after that.

Its been yet another month and already, Im racking up the mileage on my roadtrips by an astounding rate, not that its such a bad thing. I have had my fun along the way. Being single again has put up quite a few "challenges" in my path that I've had to adjust to, namely, the main one is trying to live in the same house as your ex. It does have its advantages and disadvantages, but for the meanwhile, its in a concentrated effort to save the friendship, which I think we have successfully done so far. It aint easy, but worth it in the long run. Still not any mood to date by any means, besides, its only been a few months in comparison to the 10 yrs we were together, but a little fun along the way wouldnt hurt, would it? Is it too much to ask? I dont think so, at least thats my take on it. A man does have needs, lol.

Where was I? Oh yeah, roadtrips. I am in the process of changing jobs and have quite a bit of downtime, which has been, so far, a well planned event. I basicly have a month off to myself before the new job starts. So nothing screams road trip like sitting in your house with nothing to do for a month with your ex always under foot. My first trip, would be back home to KY for a much needed visit with friends and relatives that I wasnt able to see the last time I was there. Its always a constant struggle when I go there because there are so many people I have to see, and not enough time to do it in. Family has a wonderful knack for guilting U into spending more time than U really want or can stand in one sitting, let alone a full week. So I decided to play this trip smart with an experiment I think is going very well. I decided to stay in KY for 2 weeks, and in that time, spend a week with friends, then the next week, with family. Now the family didnt know I was in the area the week before, so there were no guilt ridden calls on when I was going to make it out their way, or why havent U taken every waking moment to visit this person or that person. I feel a little guilt from time to time while I am here, not seeing family when I know I should at least let them know Im in town, but that all changed once I got a phone call from a close relative, just to say hello, and then dumping all the family "drama" on me as if I could do anything about what another relative has decided to do, crazy or not. And with family, its always crazy, in some way or another. That phone call in itself just changed my guilt to the gnawing question of, "do I really want to tell them that Im here at all?", lol. But in the end, Im still going to spend a lot of time with them while Im here, just not all my time.

So the first week of my 2 week visit, as I said, was with friends, and I even called a friend of mine in Columbus, OH, just to shoot the breeze while I was in the area. In the end, I decided to take a nice weekend trip to see him as well. Why not, I have no obligations of family til next week, right? So I hop in the car and make the 3 hr trip in yet another city for fun and debauchery with an old friend. Well, that old friend had a wild hair up his ass and came up with an even better idea farther fetched than I had even planned by going up to Columbus. He said, lets go out on the town here tonight, and then after that, we can get up in the morning, and head up to party in Cleveland tomorrow night. What the hell? I was halfway there, nothing to lose but sleep, while on vacation, so thats a no brainer. We packed up the car and spent the weekend in both places. I have to say, I had a great time hanging with him and if I had more time, would have spent the time playing up there. I even got to see a night of lake effect snow which was beautiful in itself since I dont ever get to see it at home in Atlanta. I did look like the only idiot around jumping with excitement over what the locals were rolling their eyes at. Its only snow to them. For me, it was a great change from my normalcy. It truly solidified the fact in my mind that I am in a completely different place in the world.

Im back from that trip and ready to spend the week with family, I'll let U know how that goes after I am able to return from my trip. The trip after that should take place in May for IML in Chicago, and Im definitely flying for that trip. As for the room, I decided, new year, new single status, lets have some fun. Im probably going this one alone and not having a roommate. That might change as I look at the prices they are charging, but my privacy might be worth it with the fun I could have, lol. We'll see. I think Im gonna like being single for a while.

Later Guys,

Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

1/19/08

The word of the month, is "circumstances" and at the end of this post, maybe U will understand why. Im sitting here waiting out what 2 inches of snow on the ground are being villified in the local press as "Atlanta's Snowstorm 2008" and finally updating blog entry as I look at the first page and just realized, wow, its been over a month since I've updated this thing. I actually had to stop and try to remember what the hell I've been doing all this time. And then I remembered as it slowly came back to me. I've been so wrapped up in what I'll call "circumstances" lately that its hard to see the big picture. So I'll do what I can to piece it all together as short as I can. But me and writing in short sentences, dont get along, lol, Im sure U know that by now.

Well, lets see, for those of U that didnt see the first and biggest change in my life since last time I wrote, I'm single again. The marriage has ended to Husbear and since we are still friends, and roomates, he is now dubbed the "Carebear", lol. For details on that, read the previous blog entry, Im not goin thru all that again, there's just too much new stuff to cover, so moving on. What I will say is that its been nothing less than an awkward transition at best, but I think we've both managed to get thru it with as few bumps and misunderstandings as possible. However I do believe that we do have to get thru all of the awkwardness to make this friendship work. And I think in the long run, it will. We will argue, but thats necessary too I think. 10 yrs of crap drudged up is necessary to clear the air. Its worked so far, I'll keep U posted.

As for single life goes, I will adjust, and actually, in some aspects, I do like it, strange as it may be for a while, I'll get used to it. I've had to adjust all my profiles to say that Im NOT looking for anything serious as far as dating is concerned. I probably wont be goin down that road for quite some time. At least a few years. I think the key is to really take the time to get in touch with who I am as a single person again before I even try dating. As for the occasional fling, however, well, whats not to like. When they work, they work. However I am learning that there is also a huge frustration factor involved with men that flake out on actually meeting up for the first time. I forgot how popular that little trait in men seemed to be. I setup 3 public meetings in one night and for one reason or the other, got stood up on all 3. It wasnt like "meet me at x place at x time" or anything like that, but more Im gonna be in this bar on this night, and we all agreed to at least meet in passing, no hard set plans. Well they all ended up not coming out for one reason or the other and over time, that kinda wears on the nerves. One thing I wont stand for is an undependable man, lol, even for sex. But of course, its all part of the learning curve. I've been off the market for quite a while in most aspects, getting back on is not something I'll transition into easily if I have to deal with that kind of BS, lol. Anyway, I digress. Next subject.

As I said before, I've been busy dealing with "circumstances" in my life that have taken precedent over writing here, one of which, in November, I was in a car wreck, which really didnt do too much damage to me, but my car was out of commission for about a week. The hassle with insurance companies is unbelievable. But once that drama was done, then it was the Holidays that tied me down. Sure, it was fun, but visiting family does have its moments that make U want to stand up and run for the nearest window to save yourself. As for the gift giving, my list was always small. But this year, with the breakup, it got a bit smaller. Granted, we did have a good Christmas together, we didnt go too overboard with the gifts like we did on each other every other year. This year it was one big gift, our last to each other, and we spent the holiday making dinner like we always did on holidays. Which was fun. Needless to say, Im glad the holidays are over and done with.

Right after the New Year, I ended up catching what I termed as the super flu. Everybody I knew was getting it and Carebear got it and brought it home to me. Let me tell U, that when it knocks U on your ass, it puts U under the building and literally drops a house on your strength, and your will to live. We were both out of work for a good week before we eventually started feeling better. My boss had it the week before, but I didnt come in contact with him, but we kinda all had the same symptoms. I gagued my progress in the whole thing by Carebear, who was about 2 days in front of me. So when he was at his worst, I was able to brace for mine, and when I saw him get better, I knew there was hope, because for a while there, we both felt like death was in the room, lol. I still have a cough from time to time, but its a drastic improvement from being as low as we both were.

In the middle of being so sick, I still had some business to tend to, so during my brief respit of coughing and wheezing my way thru this flu, I actually had to take a picture for the advertisement of our yearly "Blackout" event hosted by ONYX in October. I gathered up my gear, grabbed my cat, who was needed for the shot, and went out of the house to meet the guys for the photo. Granted, I should have stayed home, but by that time I was so starved for any other human contact and to be out of the house that I would do just about anything, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Luckily, nobody caught anything as I kept my distance for as long as I could except just to take the picture and go home. It was good to see daylight again, yes, it was that bad. The unveiling of the pic will be this weekend in the form of a palm card at MAL, short for Mid Atlantic Leather in DC. I wasnt able to make it this year, but to my leather family out there, Im with y'all in spirit, and a 3x5 palm card, lol.

With all that being said, I hope U can understand why its been so hard to sit down and put my mind into writing as so many of U have requested thru the emails. And I do appreciate the emails, but before I can focus, I have to be in the right frame of mind, and so on. I just havent been there lately, but finally bouncing back from whatever "circumstances" have been in play. I hope U can forgive me.

I have some other news to share with U very soon but I'll hold off until I get all the info on how to put it out there. I think U will like this one as I am proud to have been involved in the project.
More to cum, ;)

Stay tuned,

Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

12/9/07

There is such a very good reason as to why I havent written in a long while, and its because so little time has passed that I really have the opportunity and sit down to have a moment to myself, let alone write. My life is changing by leaps and bounds in so many aspects that its hard for me to keep up with myself. Which is bad. I need to slow down at some point. My last promise to myself lately has been, well, just wait til after the Holidays are over. But that never really happens, now does it? Not with me at least. Come the first of the year, there will be more changes to occur in everyones lives, whether we like it or not. Change is constant. There's my rant for the month, now, on with the stuff U came here for, lol.

I dont know where to begin. It's been such a turmoil of late, partly my fault, partly at the fault of others, but to change your path, make a thoughtful decision to stay your new course, and to have no regrets, well, thats ultimately up to U.

There's really no way to explain this next bit of news but to just come out and say it. So here goes. The Husbear and I have changed our relationship to fit in line with the situation thats been going on for years now and its just time we faced up to it and made it official. We broke up about a month ago, just before Halloween weekend. We have grown apart over the years and just couldnt seem to find our way back to each other after we realized what was happening. I wont get into the gory details of our breakup here, but one thing is for certain, we are at peace with the decision, and are getting along much better because of our honesty in the situation. We are still friends, we're still gonna be roomates for a while, and still hang out with the same group of friends. The only real thing thats changed is how we interract with each other and our bedroom assignments. We care for each other very much, but sometimes the love fades, which is unfortunate, but I never promised to be perfect, and neither did he. So we make our choices and live with them. I think we really lucked out as far as breakups go. No real annimosity towards each other, and I hope it stays that way, of course. We're a lot happier than we've been in years, and we have come to the conclusion that we'll always be in each other's lives in some way or another, so why fight it, or each other? I cant see walking away from 10 yrs with no friendship to show for it. Now of course, Im going thru my own personal period of mourning, I guess. Im not looking for a relationship anytime soon before Im over this one, nor am I looking to fill the void with a quick fuck. I feel like I just need some me time for a good while before I think about anybody else in my life. So thats what I'll be doing. In a way, I kinda summed it up for a friend of mine who I told for the first time last nite when he referred to him as the Husbear. I just said, "Well, based on who we are to each other now, he's not the Husbear but more of the Carebear, lol." seeing as how the love is gone, but we still care for each other as friends. I can live with that.

With that said, one might think that it has been to say the least, a shitty month for me. Well, lets add to the pile of mess I have to crawl out of. Last Friday nite, I was just a mile from home on the interstate when I was rearended, and not in a good way, mind U, from someone rubbernecking another accident on the other side of the freeway. He got me pretty good, but thank goodness I have a good, sturdy car. It did some muffler damage, and slight bumper damage but nothing that couldnt be fixed. I fared ok myself, for the most part, a bit of muscle stiffness from the jolt, but otherwise, Im gonna be just fine. Got my car back today, after being in the shop for just a week. So things are otherwise looking up and getting back to some resemblance of my new version of normalcy.

I really cant wait for this year to be over. Im excited, yet scared to death of the things that the new year holds for me. I havent been single in 10 years, and now, its all different out there. I dont know how to "date" anymore. Thats the scariest part. But I look at it this way. I started this life single, I can do it all over again if I have to. There's nothing to hold me back but my own self. I wont stay down for long, but I will at least take my sweet time to heal. And when Im ready, y'all better watch out, lol. I'll be back with a new view on life and relationships, and sex.

Later guys,

Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

10/26/07

Hey fellas, Just checking back in with U guys, mainly to do 2 things, one, to let U know that there are new pictures up on the website at BearFilms.com. The pictures have surfaced from my week in the Bahamas shooting "Bears will be Bears". I have to say, Im very proud of these pics, mainly because of the fact that 5 years ago when I decided to get into this "genre" of film and photography, I remember only hoping to get at the very most, a spread in a magazine. Now, looking at these pictures, it reminds me that with the help of some really great opportunities along the way, I was able to get a chance to do a shoot on a tropical island in the Bahamas. Im very grateful for every chance I've gotten to take this dream of mine and play with it a bit and to be able to say that I've done something I've always wanted to do and then some. So, when U see them, think of me and my little dream and just remember, if there's something wild and crazy U have always wanted to do, GO FOR IT!

Now, on with the story, the other reason I'm writing tonite. If U missed any of the first part of this, it would make more sense to U if U read the previous installment dated 10-14-07, just to keep U on the right track. So here goes.

Im picking up after the night of drunkenness that was our Blackout 12 Bar Crawl. I had to be up and ready to work down at the Atlanta Eagle by 9am and was already late getting up. I did what I could to get there and was amazingly only a minute or two late. Im a very time oriented person and being even a minute late when people have plans with me will drive me nuts. Just ask my friend Curtis if U know who he is, lol. He's had to bear the brunt of my attitude for being the person the most likely to be extremely late on anything we do, so for me to be late is unacceptable in my book. Thankfully, even though I was a few minutes late, I was still the first person there, and with no hangover, can U believe it?, lol.

We setup brunch for those who attended Blackout weekend as well as hosted a few other activities for the day until about 5. After that, we had the rest of the evening off until 11 when the Dungeon party kicked off at a rented space here in town. Here, U can basicly get into just about any leather scene that U can think of, or just sit back and watch. The play space was huge, with lots of dimly lit rooms. A sitting area up front was provided for those who just wanted to chill, which is what a good bit of the people did when they first got there, then they would get the nerve up to venture back into the back to see what might turn them on or into the freak they wanted to be. In the room just past the main area, were 2 slings, a bondage table, and further back was the dance floor with fuck benches, and a St. Andrews cross for those more adventurous folk in the crowd.

There were several rules at this private event, check your regular clothes at the door, nudity was allowed and encouraged, but for the most part, people got into the part with their leather gear, so the consensus of the crowd wasnt wearing much more than a jockstrap, harness, boots, leather accompaniments, etc. We have hosted a party like this the year before and stuck by the rules of the club, no selling tickets at the door and it was by invite only. So there was a doorman waiting for U when U checked your clothes to take your ticket. We didnt need any trouble from the law so it was by the book all the way.

Just after midnight, the party got rockin with all the play scenes goin on and people were starting to come out of their shells. There were yelps of pleasure and pain coming from the room with the St. Andrews cross, as one master was whipping his subject into submission. The slings were both occupied at the same time with guys doin their thing, a fisting session, and a dildo play session caught everyone's attention and seemed to be the center of focus for a good while. All was going according to plan, and the party was deemed officially, a success.......when all of a sudden......, the front door opens just a crack by the doorman to see who was joining the party. Im standing in the hallway looking into the sling room from the pane glass observation style windows along with about 10 other guys and have a direct view of what happened next.

The door was pushed further open and all I could see was a parade of flashlights flashing in our direction. It was the cops and they were conducting a raid on the place. I would say that there were at least 10 of them who came in at once quickly and efficiently as if they might have done this before in this very spot. The one I call the Ring leader of the cops is first in and makes a loud announcement. "Well what have we here? It looks like there's some kind of party goin on." With that, from where I was standing, U could see and hear slings clanging in the darkness as their occupents sprung out and tried to regain any composure from the activities that were taking place just seconds before. It was like they had surrounded the place and were planning it all along, and Im sure they were. That club has been raided on several occasions in the past with the police looking for contriband of all sorts. The law of averages was against us tonight, it certainly looked like it was our turn. What was worse about the situation, there were about 30 of us in the club at the time, wearing little more than our jocks, harnesses, or even less. It was unlikely that they would let us reach for our clothes. As far as I was concerned, dont make any sudden moves.

U have a window of time there that was probably no more than 30 to 45 minutes that seemed almost endless. As they searched the place, we heard the cops laughing to themselves as they watched us all, making crude comments under their breaths, and to be honest, it smacked of the raids on the gay bars in NYC not so long ago. U could tell they enjoyed the fact that they were trying to humiliate us. They saw, the slings, the rope, the cross, the half naked men standing around with little other choice but to do just that, stand there, U have quite a lot going thru your mind as U process whats taking place, and what could happen. For all we knew, they could have taken us downtown dressed or undressed just as we were at 3am, cameras from TV crews rolling just outside as they put us in the wagon, splashed us all over the morning, noon, and certainly the evening news, charged as sex offenders for the rest of our lives. People's livelihoods could have been shattered in a second. All they needed was a reason.

The cops wanted to see the license for the party as well as the reciept allowing to hold it there. The guys in the group that planned the party didnt have it, but knew who they could call to get it quick fast, and in a hurry. The owner of the club came down in about 30 minutes and showed him what he needed to see, and in the end, the permit to open the club was not hanging prominently just inside the front door, so they shut us down. They told us to leave, and so did they. I do remember one conversation behind me from a few of us in our group still there as the ring leader left. One of us said, "Yeah, we may as well leave now, its 4am, and our spirit has been broken." and with that, another one in our group quickly corrected him and responded. "Oh no, the party may be over but our spirit will NEVER be broken" and made sure that the ring leader heard it as he got into his squad car and left. We got our things finally, got dressed and did the same.

As I crawled into bed that night next to Husbear, he shuffled around and as usual, he wakes just a little and asks me, "how was your night?" and usually, I'll tell him in detail what went on throughout the night and talk each other to sleep. That night, I was so mentally exhausted and yet strangely high on adrenaline, just left it as, "It was ok, Im glad to be home" and went on to sleep. Of course, the morninig conversation left no stone unturned, lol. I told him everything, and he just looked at me and said, "U know, U really need to stop having such a boring nights on the town". Right then, I knew it was ok.

U can rest assured that the main topic of conversation was about that night during the next evenings closing dinner and awards ceremony. More importantly, what was also remembered was the closing comments as the ring leader left. We seemed to use it as a focus to stay true to ourselves no matter who tried to stop us. I'll always take those things with me and try to pass the story on whenever I can. I figured this would be as good a place as any to start.

Now the awards ceremony at the closing banquet was quite eventful in itself. There were acknowledgements made inducting our newest ONYX chapter in DC, there were awards for Brother of the year for each chapter, as well as other important awards that solidify who we are as a group. Along with those awards, there are more lighthearted awards, such as who traveled the farthest to get here, which in 2 consecutive years has gone to a couple from Seattle, WA. Along with the light hearted awards, one was given to a young brotha who will remain nameless here but he and others with us know who he is and his feats of "Wonder" on that fateful night before. At the precice moment the raid began, he happened to be one of the guys lying in one of the slings having whatever he pleased done to him. Upon hearing the police storming the place, he had only seconds to compose himself and become more "presentable" before they made it back to the sling room, flashlights and all. This certain person leaped up from being flat on his back, landed square on the ground, scrambled between the other mess of men also scrambling around him, was able to seemingly "spin" his clothes on when nobody else around him could find theirs in the dark and was time able to make it to the door in time to greet the police entering the sling room fully dressed! Aah, the stories we told the day after will live in infamy.

There was yet one more award to be given out that night, its been given out year after year, and its called the "Pig of the run" award. This award is given to the individual who comes out of his shell the most and is to say it nicely, the most "friendly" of the weekend. Basicly its the person who was noted for being the most slutty with no regard to discression, but I digress, lol. The person receiving this award gets a nice warm reception from his peers, meaning they have a good laugh at your expense for U being deemed the wildest and sluttiest of them all, so be it. That award, shockingly enough, went to yours truly. I couldnt have been more surprised. But U have to remember, my drunkenness on Friday, caused me to do a lot of things I wouldnt normally do, being the control freak that I am. So the people who chose the award chose me to receive it. And keeping with tradition, it was a gag gift so well thought out that it couldnt have gone to another person but me. As I stood up and graciously took my award in hand, it was a gift bag with a cartoon leather man and leather woman on the outside, and on the inside, was my own giant black sippy cup complete with a huge mushroom head on it very much reminissent of the stripper that I sucked on the bus that night I can barely remember, but hell yeah, I remember that dick, lol.

Anyway, I have to thank U guys for your patience and for sticking with me thru all the wait times in my writings. It really means a lot to me that U do come back and check on me from time to time. And as always, feel free to drop me a line thru the Email link on this site. I love hearing from U.

Dont forget, if U happen to be in town on each first Friday of the month, ONYX Southeast has our monthly Bar Night at the Atlanta Eagle. Each month has a different theme. For November, the month of Thanksgiving, we are asking that U bring in at least one canned food item for donation to a needy family this month. Your donations will be greatly appreciated. The coming month's bar night will take place on Friday Nov. 2nd from 10pm until. See U there.

 

Woof/ Harry Wolfe

 

10/14/07

As people and events come and go in my life, I have come to notice a few constants in this whole scheme of things, and that is that my life just gets wilder and more unpredictable each year. Most people, as they grow older, and maybe this is just the straight world perception I have, maybe not, but arent people supposed to settle down, find a mate and a comfortable chair to sit in and take it easy as the days go by? I know Im nowhere near that concept at only 38, and Im certainly not straight by any means, but isnt something like that supposed to be on my horizon somewhere down the line? The way Im going right now, that answer is a Hell to the Naw! If U look at my life right now and compare it to most straight men and even most gay men my age, they arent putting themselves out there like I am, and they most certainly arent doing porn on the side, lol. But I can also say that if I had a choice, and I think I still do, I wouldnt want to live the ordinary life that everyone else is living. I have my limits, like most everyone else, but I have learned that I am not happy for too long unless I push those limits somehow and make life a little more interesting along the way.

This past weekend, I had yet another old college roomate come into town on business that I hadnt seen in about 18 years. This was one of the guys I had such a mad crush on even when I was supposedly "straight". I think that during my entire time in college, if there was one person I would have "experimented" with, it would have been him. In fact, we came so close to that actual moment in time once that I thought after all these years, he just might have eventually come out. No such luck, however. He ended up marrying the girl he fell in love with while in college and they have a beautiful 4 yr old girl and have been together ever since. Im extremely happy for him and his family, and wish he could have been with us for our big reunion in Charleston a few months back. Maybe next time in DC when we all try to get together again. Seeing him again after so many years brought back a lot of memories and feelings I had so long ago. In fact, I was able to confess to him my true feelings I had for him so long ago, as well as confess a few of the things I had been up to over the most recent years in which U guys are reading about and seeing already, lol. He says he had no idea that I felt that way, but somehow deep down, I know he had some inkling of what he was doing to me. Regardless, it was great to finally get that off my chest as well as to reconnect with an old friend.

Just a week ago today, I was still in the thick of what was ONYX's 12th annual Blackout event, here in Atlanta. We had a wonderful turnout and seeing friends from years before as well as meeting new ones, which was always worth its weight in gold. As being part of the party coordinators and supposedly "working" the event, I kinda slipped up and got a little too drunk during the party bus part of the evening. We had a naked dancer stripping for us between bars we were hitting along the "Bar Crawl" and by the 2nd or 3rd bar, I forget, I was so wasted and my inhibitions were out the window, I ended up getting way too frisky with the dancer, to the tune of actually tipping the guy, who was HOT as hell, then sampling his wares, IN MY MOUTH, on more than one occasion, which shocked everybody on the bus becaue that was NOT me. That was the alcohol talking.

As the night was coming to an end, we ended up at the Eagle, our home bar. I was so gone that in patches of what I can remember, there were 2 people sitting by me outside patting me on the back, and telling me it was going to be ok. I also remember clutching a large plastic trash can that they have in most bars very close to my face for what was almost inevitable. I even had the prevomitory mouth waterings I ended up spitting into the can several times. However, Im not one for throwing up at all if I can help it, and I faught it tooth and nail. The act of doing that unnerves me in the worst way that I will cry before during and after if I go thru with it. I hear people alll the time say that after U do it, it makes U feel so much better, well, thats all fine and dandy for U, but I dont even wanna get to that bridge of feeling better if I have to go thru that, so I faught it and won.

However, I was still too drunk to drive and eventually was taken back to the hotel to sleep it off in the President's suite on the couch. I dont remember how I got there, and most of the night was nothing but patchy as far as remembering anything that went on.

All I had to go on was the reports from the MANY people who told me what I did the next morning, as well as a "drunk text" I sent to my ex boss on the bus somehow during one of the trips to the next bar. Apparently I called him by accident and all he could hear was music and voices. He hung up and texted me saying that maybe I should turn my phone off, and that I accidently called him. The next thing I sent him just sent chills down my spine after reading it in my sent folder on my phone. It read: "oops, drunk on a party bus with a naked man. I just tastd it". I couldnt believe what I was reading, and after calling him to confirm that I did do it, he had me explain everything that went on the night before, Until later that afternoon, I couldnt remember myself. When I drink like that, and its a very RARE occasion that I do, which is probably why it affects me so, I lose bits of time and only get it back in pieces, like flashbacks. Now, before I go on any further, I have to explain that my ex boss is like a "sister" to me. He's a gay man too and we hung out at work more like best friends than boss and employee. So me telling him something like that was nothing to flinch at. However, the fact that I could have called anybody in my phone and probably would have sent the same message, scares the hell out of me. And it should, lol. Miraculously though, I woke up completely refreshed the next morning just 20 minutes before I was supposed to be at the next event, brunch. Normally, if I drink that heavily and get sick or forget things like that, I usually have a hell of a hangover. Somehow, it didnt happen this time. Which was a good thing because I had to help out with several other events throughout the day and on into the evening.

This, going into one of the other big reasons that I have to say my life is getting wilder and wilder with each passing year. I will write about it in my next installment, but make no mistake, U wont want to miss what happened later that nite at the "Dungeon Party". Its something that even my worst fears didn't want to imagine happening, and they almost did. Details to come soon, so stay tuned. And I promise, it wont be another month before I write again.

Bye for now.

Woof/Harry Wolfe

9/14/07

Hey guys, I'm sorry its been so long between posts, but this excuse is a really good one. And the lesson of the story is, Back up your shit! I had to learn this lesson the hardest way of all, and for the past 6 weeks, I've been trying to get my stuff back from literally nowhere. I'll explain. I had the unfortunate task of waking up to a dead hard drive about 6 weeks ago, and absolutely nothing could be recovered. Mind U, I did have some instances of recovery software available, but me, of all people, being a techie by trade, didnt practice what I preached to customers I visited every day. What I should have kept backed up or at least stored on a separate drive, was lost with the one that died. So, all my personal info, pics, music, WEBSITE configurations, EVERYTHING, was just GONE! I about shit a brick when I finished kicking myself and trying to figure out how to recover from this serious blow to everything I owned.

So, with that said, I have been slowly putting the pieces back together and by a strange stroke of luck, was able to retrieve a backup from my website from the web server itself and have finally been able to write again. I'll have more posts in the near future. My apologies again to those who kept coming back and checking on me. They say no news is good news, well, not in this case, its been a bitch.

On with the show. I've been busy the last few weeks doing a few other things other than worrying about my computer situation, which is very good. Work has been kicking my tail in the worst way, staying preoccupied with stuff like that tends to wear U down in every sense of the word. So with a great stroke of luck, I have the day off and can finally catch up with some simple things around the house, pay bills, SLEEP, and actually update my site.
Labor Day weekend was fun here in Atlanta, I got to hang out with a few friends from out of town, one from Chicago, and the other from my home state of KY. Mr. JizzJazz69 himself made a special appearance for the weekend. Had a blast, and cant wait to see U again. ONYX had no less than 3 Bar Nights at the Eagle that weekend, and for the record, I really appreciate the guys that come out and support us. We have so much fun meeting U all there. And dont forget about Blackout 12 coming up in October from the 4th to the 8th, Columbus Day weekend here in Atlanta. Hurry and get your packages while they are still available. For more info, you can go to www.onyxsoutheast.com.

So much has happened over the past 6 weeks I can hardly remember all of it to tell U. But another piece of news is that I was almost set to go back to SF to do another movie in October, but the timing between my job and the shoot dates didnt work out this time. So I might go the next time they shoot towards the beginning of the year. Keep your fingers crossed.

I hope U have gotten your calendars from Bearfilms.com before they run out. I got mine a while back and am very proud of the layout they published. Go thru the link on my site here so I can get credit for sending U there.

Thats all for now, and yes, everything is backed up and I can rest easy again. That mistake wont happen twice, lol.
Til then, drop me a line sometime and look forward to hearing from U soon.

Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

8/1/07

Aah, to be 18 again, especially at my age, it’s a lot further off than U might think. Well I’ve also heard that U are only as young as U feel. Well, I got a very rare taste of what its like to be 18 all over again, and looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ll explain. A week ago, I went to a college reunion of sorts. Now this wasn’t any old college-run or organized reunion by any means. This was just a group of us getting together to celebrate the year of our first meeting. I went to college in Charleston, SC back in 1987, culinary arts school. Now ask me or any of the people what they’re doing now and I will be the first to tell U that they are working nowhere near that field anymore. The burnout rate is tremendous in the foodservice industry. Now mind U, I paid my dues there by working in that field since the age of 16, so I got my money’s worth out of the education I got there. So this was a pleasant look back at where we all came from and the people we met along the way.

The weekend was setup by a few of my old roommates and was attended by the small group of people that hung out together during the entire 4 yrs of college. About 13 of us, I’d say mostly guys and like 5 or 6 women pitched in and rented a lake house in Charleston and for the weekend, we’d be holed up there going thru our old yearbooks and telling old tales as well as catching up on who’s doing what, and to whom, depending on who we were talking about, most of the time. At the time we were in college, I’d say about 5 or 6 were gay. The list has since gotten much bigger, myself included, lol. What can I say, some of us took a little longer to blossom, I guess. I was very much in the closet with a girlfriend, also in the reunion group for most of the 4 yrs I was there.
I cant say though that agreeing to go to this gathering over the weekend wouldnt pull out some skeletons in just about everyone's closet. We more than expected what was about to happen when we all got the first email from one of the soon to be attendees:

"LISTEN UP SLUTS I WANT TO KNOW EVERY LITTLE DIRTY AND NAUGHTY THINGS YOU HAVE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST TWENTY YEARS. SCREW YOUR ACHIEVMENTS I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS HOW SUCCESSFULL YOU ARE OR WILL BE IN THE FUTURE. I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE ONE NIGHT STANDS, WHO FINGERED WHO? AND WHO HAS THE BIGGEST HOLE IN THE SOUTH. BE PREPARED I'M NOT GOING TO HOLD BACK."

Right then, I knew what was on the agenda. We were all gonna have to air our dirty little secrets. Besides, it wouldnt really be much of a reunion if U didnt bare your soul with the people who know U best and can be honest with them as if they are your own family. And thats what we did.
As soon as I got there, most of them were already there, waiting for me, with their pregnantly paused questions. They gave their looks and inuendos as if they already knew my little secret. And knowing the number of gay men in the group, it wasnt hard to figure out that they did know it all. From one account, I heard that one person found this site, and told the others months before this little reunion was to take place. I came prepared to come clean, so to speak, lol.

When the last person arrived, as the rest of us were all sitting around the dining room table, she settled in and then the room got quiet. Strangely enough, all eyes were on me, as if waiting on me to break down and quiver inside myself as the person they remembered so well. The old me would have done that in an instant. But I refused. Im not that shy recluse anymore that was too afraid to stand up for myself, to them of all people. I took the "stand" as it seems, and started my confession with these words.

"I have to admit, there are some things that I have done in my life since knowing U guys that I'm not too proud of. Let me make myself clear right now, that this isnt one of them. I've had a very interesting few years and I have absolutely no regrets. So if U have something negative to say about it, say it and move on to the next subject."

They sat there for a few seconds, and then the questions started coming in. And I answered them openly and honestly with no sign of tremmors in my voice, and they accepted it for what it was and moved on. Sure, I got ribbed all weekend for it, but we were all adults and were able to laugh at everyone's stories as well as mine, because there were plenty of other confessions to go around as well.

The next day, went out to our old dorms and walked the grounds as if it were our first time. It was so creepy to be there 20 years later and see all the changes that have taken place while we were gone. Some went to their old doors, and took pictures in front of them as if they were part of some treasure hunt. Others walked in amazement as they soaked it all in. It was quite the experience. We did a few other fun things as well over the course of the weekend, and finished our last day with a nice Sunday brunch before heading our separate ways.

Leaving them that day, I started on my way back to Atlanta, I couldnt help but cry a little. I felt like I was leaving my family. In a way, they are your family, your new family, the ones you bonded with as your own flesh and blood cut the apron strings and forced U to go out into the world on your own for the first time. In some cases, those are going to be your friends for life. Which is what they have turned into for me. I told them that I could trust them with my life if necessary. And that was the truth, because this weekend proved that no matter how much time had passed, we were able to pick up right where we left off 20 years ago. Polling the crowd at different times throughout the weekend, we all had the feeling that the experience of doing this and getting together made time sorta "stand still" or even reverse back to the time when we were 18 all over again, and that feeling was overwhelming at times. We definitely wont wait another 20 years to do it again. I promise U that.

And now that I have some new viewers checking out the site, thanks to that fateful weekend. I have this message for U: Guys, and Girls, I love each and every one of U with everything I have. This weekend was one of the most memorable in my life, and I am confident U took that feeling home with U as well. I cant wait to do it all over again.

Take care, y'all.

7/11/07

OK, I'll try to piece this all together the best way that I know how, because simply put, my birthday month was a big blurrrrrrrrr. I cant say that the amount of partying I did, and not in the more common and illegal term partying is used nowadays, but the sheer fun of having so many reasons to just get together and celebrate for some reason or another. First off, I celebrated the month with my brother and his wife and now 2 year old, my nephew, coming to stay with me and the Husbear. Now I dont know about U, but Im expecting that the general population that may stop by and read this blog would know first hand about having kids of their own, but being an uncle to a 2 year old anything has its ups and downs.

The ups, being that I can spend time with probably, and I know y'all say this too about your own, one of the cutest babies in the world. This was his first visit to Atlanta so we spent the weekend doing kid stuff, which is fine by me. We did the Aquarium, dinner with family friends, and just spent quality time bonding with the yungun that I dont get to see every so often. The downside to all that, when was the last time U spent with a 2 year old these days? Man, they will run U ragged to the point that U have to ultimately stare your own mortality in the face, starting with the fact that I am NOT as young as I felt before he walked in the door. He was constantly running for things that I thought was going to be child-proofed even at my best attempts. I did not take into account that walking and running at this age included climbing things that when I saw him last, would never be in reach, lol. This did not fare well to my stamina as an uncle by any means.

However, the visit was welcomed with open arms. I got time to spend with family both old and new. It was also the first time that the Husbear was able to see him in person. He doesnt get to go with me every time I head home so him coming down to us was a treat. This, all leading to yet another upside to the downsides I was mentioning before. After all the running, and jumping and chasing and bonding I did with my nephew, my role as an Uncle came to a head when I realized that as ragged as I was from the visit, I got one more treat. The ability to pack him into my brother's minivan, and send them packing back home, lol. Sad as we were to see them go, we were tired as hell, and were ready to get back to some normalcy in our own lives. In fact, after having to watch our words for what seemed an eternity over the weekend because of the parrot in the room which was my nephew who on many occasions repeated new words that we happened to say, none bad, of course, they got in the van, drove off, and the first thing Husbear and I said to each other when we got back in the house was, "Shit! Fart! Damn! Fuck!" as many as we could put into sentences, we were cursing like sailors again, lol. Feels good to have the house back, doesnt it? I asked, he said, "fuck yeah it does". I said back to him, "Sure as fuck does", lol. From there we went to our normal hangout with our friends, had a few drinks, scratch that, a LOT of drinks, and cursed like sailors for the rest of the nite. And it felt GOOOD as FUCK, lol.

That was the first weekend of our June month of celebrations. The second wave to come was the birthday/pool party. In the past, when we lived in the burbs in our own house, we usually invited 30 or 40 people over one weekend and just pack the house to capacity and grill out on the patio like a good house party should be. Now is a bit different. We live in a condo with a communal pool. I couldnt invite everybody I wanted to, so I limited it to a few guests. Husbear had a small list and so did I, but combined, it turned out to be a lot more people than we had really planned. Now in this guest list, there is always inevitably a percentage of people that will say they will come and not show up, and those that will decline during the week as the day gets closer. Not so this time, we had a total of about 26 people that had definitely said they were coming.

We have had several parties there before with 10 to 12 max at the pool combined with the regular people that came to use the pool that lived there at any given time of day and the pool was pretty packed. The number we were seeing confirming gave us both chills. We had one thing on our side, it was Fathers Day weekend. The people that confirmed, showed up for sure, in fact, the number of confirmations to no shows was about 95% acurate. In all 23 people showed up and the pool had no more than 4 or 5 extras from other condos at any given moment. We dodged a bullet with that many people, there could have easily been complaints, lol. But we had a great time and no great fuss at the end of the day.

The week following that was my actual birthday on the 20th. I was given the day off per my boss who thankfully doesnt believe in working on your birthday, gotta love that. So Tuesday, some friends of mine hung out at our normal birthday hangout, the local strip joint here, I call the gay man's version of Chuck E Cheese, had a great time there then just laid around the house after which I was taken to dinner by the Hubby. And on to the weekend, which here, is Pride Weekend!!

For once, it didnt rain this year as opposed to the deluge of storms the same weekend last year and the year before that. On the downside, it was a scorcher of a weekend, the heat was almost unbearable, but I'll take that over the rain anyday. We hung out in the park as long as we could on Saturday without passing out from the heat, ran into a lot of folks that I dont see but once a year, at these events, no doubt, lol. And I wanna send a special shout to the guys that said hey to me in the park that knew me from here. Y'all were so nice. I made a lot of new friends that way, so Im grateful, thank U. At the peak of Pride Weekend, I got to ride in the parade on the Eagle's float. That was a Blast all unto itself. There's no rush like the one Im sure everyone in the parade felt turning the corner of Peachtree and 10th streets rounding out the end of the parade route. The energy was so intense on that one corner it was amazing. I cant describe it any better than that and I was lucky to had been a part of it. Maybe I'll do it next year again, who knows, if so, U know where to find me.

I got my copy of the film I am in sometime during the month entitled "Bears will be Bears" in the mail. I watched it, and yeah, the beach footage I have cried about before on here is indeed gone from the film. Oh well. Im glad to have what they have left on the official release. U can get your copy by going to the Video link on my page. Along with that is the 2008 Bears and Cubs Calendar from BearFilms thats now available. I hope U check that out too. I am Mr. April. I also have a local friend, who goes by Justin Wood, who's also in the calendar. Check him out too.

Well, thats all I have for now, and if U have made it this far without tearing your eyes from your socket from so much reading, congrats. I'll see U next time.

6/5/07

After the long wait, its finally here. My fourth and probably final movie is out, and along with the trials and tribulations that it took to make it out as it was meant to be, it didnt happen as planned. But along with extenuating circumstances, things just happen and we have to take them for what they are. As I reported earlier in a previous post, the producer of the film in the Bahamas I was part of in October, suddenly died in December. As tragic as that was, the film company had the unpleasant task of going thru his apartment in an attempt to reclaim all of the footage of our movie as well as others that were also in the works. Some things made it out, others didnt. Unfortunately, half of my scene which was to be a two parter, either never made it out of the apartment, or is just lost and didnt make it to the movie in time for production. Sadly, it was the only beach footage we had on the entire cruise, which would have made for a very hot setup to the scene that did make it to the film. I was alerted to this possible issue a while back when I was asked to recall if there was any footage of the beach scene that there are pics of in video format. I remember, I was there. But, for what its worth, now, there is some lost footage of myself and KC Shore wandering around somewhere in San Francisco. If U happen to find it, please send it my way, I'd love to see it. In the meantime, What U do see of the movie, I hope U enjoy. The guys really had a fun time making it. The title is "Bears will be Bears" and is available thru the BearFilms site. Check it out. There's even a preview on their site.

I just returned from Chicago for IML and Bear Pride weekend. I had such a great time the whole time I was there that I will probably be back next year. I got to meet so many new friends and old friends its like going to a huge family reunion dressed in black, lol, I love it. In fact, there was so much to do at IML, that I never made it to the host hotel or any of the events for Bear Pride, as much as I wanted to go, there just wasnt enough time in the day. I spent the past week just trying to recover from the whirlwind of a weekend.

This month will be another busy one for both the Husbear and myself. First and foremost is Pride weekend coming at the end of the month. And secondly, my birthday which is always during Pride week. This year its on a Wednesday, the 20th, so the gang and I will be celebrating by the pool this year the Sunday before, nothing too outrageous, just fun with friends. Definitely looking forward to the entire month. And of course, we will be getting our groove on at the local strip joint at some point during that week. I swear, its the gay man's Chucky Cheese if U ask me. The group of friends I go with always love to celebrate birthdays there by enjoying table dances vicariously thru the birthday boy of the month. U all know that a table dance for him is a table dance for us, lol. Dont act like U dont know.

At any rate, Hope U guys have a great Pride weekend if U happen to celebrate it in June.

4/26/07

It seems as though I tend to let things go the older I get. Now I have folks sending me emails telling me to update my page. For that, I thank U. I mean, somebody has to get on my ass to keep me honest, lol. May as well be U. Thanks for that. I swear I have a good reason for the absence, but with summer coming soon and lots to talk about, I'll be here more often. I know, yeah yeah, you'll believe it when U see it. Time will tell.

One of the main reasons I havent been as forthcoming as of late is because I am now part of the working population, and not a day too soon. All that time off was getting to me finally and I had to do something. And believe me, with this job, I hit the ground running on the first day. With my last job, it was such the cushy thing that it was. Spent six years behind a desk all day answering phones and fixing things for people on the other line. U never got to see how the other half lived out on the real front lines. All that changed with this job, and I have the bruises to prove it. First day, I was out at a site, physically lifting things, crawling under desks, configuring systems, and moving things outside in the height of pollen season. I had things hurting on me that I never thought I had. And the day after, I felt like I was hit by two buses, and they were still sitting on my lifeless body. Thank goodness I started on a Friday and had the weekend off. I dont think I would have survived. Granted, with time, I figured out that those situations werent the norm of what the job entailed, but Im learning so much from this experience I'd be a fool to leave without at least 2 or 3 years under my belt. Wish me luck, lol, Im gonna need it.

I have been slowly getting back out there and saving time for me and the Husbear though on the weekends. We've adopted a close knit group of friends to hang out with and we try to do something fun at least once a weekend. A few weeks ago, we went down to one of the local bars and watched the Easter Drag Races. Let your minds wander for those of U who dont know, lol. Its actually pretty fun, they close the parking lot and have all sorts of outdoor games that would make your head spin. I actually decided to enter a competition at the very last second and ended up winning the Hula Hoop contest, who'da thunk, right? I won a bag of porn in a grocery bag and a few other nick nacks, lol. It was all in the fun of it. I almost had to half look in there to see if the joke was on me and they might have given me my own porn, now wouldnt that be sad. I wonder if they did I could get a nice trade in, lol.

I have been also doin my best to stay in some form of good shape now that I have a steady schedule. Its good to get back into a nice routine for a change. Granted I loved being off while I could somewhat afford it, but trust me, when U dont have a schedule, all your good intentions go str8 out the window when U get up at the crack of noon.

I've been hangin out with ONYX on bar nights and last month was a particular blast. Along with taking over the bartending part again, which I missed out on the month before because I wanted a month off from that too. It was good to be back, and was particularly since it was warm, I got a bit crazy and stripped down to a jock and harness and got to kinda emcee the "Best Butt" contest, and it was absolutely no surprise, that a bear won at the Eagle, lol. Ok, act surprised, lol. It was all in fun, and the winner deserved it for sure. Our next bar night is Friday May 4th, so if U are in Atlanta at the time, come on by the Eagle at 10pm for drinks, jello shooters, and our Kinky Carnival. There will be hotdogs, prizes, and certainly other surprises.

On to other news, I have a few very cool things to tell U. If U havent already seen them, Gallery 14 is new with my pics from the BearFilms shoot at IML last year. I decided to put a few out there this month to make up for my slackass writing gaps, lol. Enjoy.

As for the other news, I got word that I will be featured in the new and upcoming BearFilms 2008 Calendar. That came outta nowhere, but was flattered to say the least. 3 calendars in 3 years, who would have ever thunk it, lol. I'll let U know when that comes out and U can get it right here.

The next film release will be in May from what I also understand. the final cutting edits were being performed as of posting this message, so I'll let U know about that when the time comes too. Im probably most excited about this one since its probably gonna be my last film, for a while at least, and the fact that it took me all the way to the Bahamas to do it, is even more priceless in my book. I have said this before, I never thought this experience would take me so far and Im ecstatic to have been able to share it with U in my personal journey thru this site.

Well thats all for now, lets see how long I can stay away this time, lol, probably not too long.

By the way, Im comin to IML and Bear Pride this year, and still looking to room with someone who already has a spot at one of the host hotels. If U know of any serious possibilies, please, send them my way thru the contact link on my page. I'd really appreciate it. Til next time, cya guys.

 

 

3/6/07

The past month has been so much fun I didnt give my page a single thought, now I have to think long and hard just to recap the events. And Im not getting any younger so the memory cells arent firing like they used to. Last month, the Husbear took a page right out my rule of thumb and decided that since his birthday was in February, he would celebrate like I do for mine, the ENTIRE month. All I have to say is thank goodness it was a short month or I'd be in the poor house after another day of celebrating, lol.

We also had, in our group of friends, about 4 or 5 others with the same birth month. So we ended up celebrating the entire month for everybody. Every weekend was a group party that sometimes went on waaay too long but fun nonetheless. Thru that, of course, we made new friends along the way, and for that Im thankful. During our moments of wildness, I got to see or hear way too much of some people in the group, but hey, it wouldnt be wildness if we didnt have that. Long story short, Im spent, physically and financially for a while and cant wait for normalcy to kinda take me back to a quieter time. No more strip clubs for a while.

On the job front, Im still looking, rather half-assed in my desparation, meaning, Im putting my feet out there and getting a few responses from what I have looked into. So when the time comes, I'm confident that when the right job comes along, I'll know when to snatch it up. No offers yet, but a few interviews here and there and of course, waiting on that ever popular second interview.

I've gotten back into the gym routine again after being a slacker for so long. It feels good to kinda bounce back into the shape I remember instead of watching myself just spread on the couch from watching too many soaps, lol. We've decided to cut back to only 3. But anyway, its great to see my shape again. Dont get me wrong, I love my bears, and being somewhat of a cub or otter, (man I hate that term) myself, I love the look, I just dont wanna go too overboard personally. I have a frame set that I feel comfortable with and I was slowly veering off the road from that. There's a point where U have to say, NO MORE, and do something about it.

Speaking of bears, the Bearfilms movie I am in should be out next month from what I am told. I still keep in touch with some of the guys in it as well as the staff. We're all excited to finally see it. I'll of course keep U guys posted as to when I get more info right here. So stay tuned.

Had a great turnout at Bar Night for Onyx Southeast. Lots of surprise guests from Onyx Chicago showed up as we rang in the wee hours of the weekend. Hope y'all made it back safely, and it was great to see U.

Im outta here for now, but thanks for reading, as always, and by all means, stay in touch.

Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

2/1/07

OK, this is sad. I vow to keep writing here more often so that I dont forget a single thing, and what the hell do I do? I go over a month and nothing. Im sorry. Please forgive me. And its not for reasons that are really that pressing either. I've been unemployed now for the past few moths and granted, the free time I have on my hands would give me a whole lot more time to write here, the fact is, nothing's really happening that you'd really want to hear about, lol. For the first time in a long time, I am officially bored. I sit around and do nothing but keep house, get online to check a few messages, and fall prey to my new obsession. Second Life. I have become so engrossed in the whole thing that I almost spend more time there than in my real life. Case in point, I have a friend, Chester, who now comes to vist me there because I dont spend enough time on my normal aol and yahoo chats to have a decent conversation anymore. To that, Chester, Im sorry. But he also admits, its fun as hell meeting people all over the world as a person U created. But I digress. Check it out sometime at www.secondlife.com, and if U decide to join in, look me up under the name Cyclonius Revolution. Crazy name, aint it? It goes with a private joke associated with two crazy friends of mine, one of which got me started on Second Life. I wont bore U with those details.

Anyway, I also want to say thanks to the guys out there that say hey when U see me and the Husbear out bar hopping. I really appreciated one guy that actually took the time to stop me and reminded me to keep writing because he likes to come here and read. Well this is for U, lol. Im doing absolutely nothing, and loving it.

As I said, though, Im starting to buckle down and actually looking for work in my desired field, so keep your fingers crossed. As for making more porn, Im not really pursuing that as much as I used to. I set out on this adventure years ago to see if I could actually do it. I've proved to myself that I can and have been taken farther than I had ever imagined I'd go. So Im probably gonna lay low on that venue from here on out. If asked to do another one, sure, I'll entertain the thought and maybe even do it, but I wont go looking to do one like before. I've had my fun with it and its time to look into other directions. By the way, there should be two more coming out this year, one this spring for sure, so I'll let U know when they hit the shelves, as usual.

I am grateful for this time off, though. I have been able to spend more time with Husbear than I had been, which is wonderful. I think we have really had a chance to reconnect like I have wanted for a long time. Sometimes a little too much, lol, but thats what bein together 9 yrs does to U. It lets me say things like that, lol.

Having this time off has also given me the chance to reconnect with family back home on a more frequent basis. The ability to jump in the car and go home whenever I wanted for however long I wanted is very freeing as well as comforting. Now, mind U, I didnt say I acted on those whims everytime I got them, they are family, and I can only take so much, lol.

Anyway, for not having much goin on at the moment, I just found out how much I can still write about nothing and fill a good page, lol. As for things coming up, I'll be slingin drinks here in Atlanta on Friday, Feb. 2 at 10pm at the Atlanta Eagle for ONYX SE's Bar Night. Come meet the gang if U happen to be in town and have a drink or two while you're there. I'll keep U informed of the job situation as it happens.

Luv y'all,

Woof/Harry Wolfe

 

12-20-06

I certainly hope that U all have at least started your Christmas shopping or better yet, finished it. As of today, Im completely done with it and only have to wait for the big day to arrive and quickly leave so I can get on with life. I know some of U all are already stressed out beyond your own personal breaking points, but for the first time, Im done early. Yes, Im a procrastinator, with being unemployed, comes a lot of extr