12/10/04b

So here’s my holiday install for the year. Enjoy it at my expense, because its all true. Take a good look at this tree, and tell me what U see. To some people, they see a lot of hard work and the picture of Christmas. Others see the beauty of the holiday season expressed in the form of a well decorated tree. To me, I see a picture of neuroticism at its worst. Why? I’ll tell U why. It’s because most of this tree was put together twice within the same week. I know, I should be thankful that I have a tree and all the trimmings and a husband who did it all but single handedly while I worked. I came home to a beautiful tree the first time. To me, it was perfect the way it was. As I normally do every year, I work from the late mornings until the early evenings and come home to a well decorated, or at least a good start to a well decorated home. He likes to do it this way because its what he calls “his” project. Most of the time he would never let me in the room until it was done. Husbear has a connection who works for a Christmas decoration factory, so we get the “leftovers” every year in the form of a care package filled with all sorts of new Christmas balls, bells and the latest in high Technicolor lights. Now keep in mind, we got a whole slew of stuff every year anyway living in the big house in the suburbs. Nevermind that we didn’t need anymore items after the first year, and the Husbear refuses to throw anything away. We might need it later on, he says. Well, keep in mind, we lived in that house for 6 yrs of accumulating Christmas knick knacks and such until we had to store all of it in the attic most of the year. Most of it came in handy when we threw our highly anticipated Holiday parties every year. We would pack the house with our closest friends and party the night away in what Husbear took pride in making sure the house was the spirit of Christmas 3 times over almost a month before. To me, I would come home and would see him working feverishly in the newly decorated house and do my walkthrough as if it were a crime scene on one of those TV shows. It would rundown like this:

“This is where Santa was bludgeoned with a blunt object. It looks like this might have been an inside job. Santa’s arms and legs emptied about the house of his contents, being the decorations around the living room and on in thru the kitchen and den. Here’s where he put up quite a fight as Husbear tied him to the ground and dragged his entrails (garland) around the top of the stairs and across the crown molding. U can really tell Husbear showed no mercy where there was spatter marks all over the wall (glitter balls) and lights and candy canes littered the halls where the reindeer were held at bay and later trampled with contempt. And last, but not least, Santa’s head was placed prominently on our front door for all to see, lights and all, (wreath).”

Surely, I kid about that but all in all it’s a beautiful house that he does every year and of course I’m thankful to have such a wonderful husband to provide it for the both of us. We were the envy of the neighbors for a long time with our decorations. I just say what I say to piss him off sometimes. It’s what we do, lol.

Anyway, that was when we lived in the house. We live in a place less than half that size now and the Christmas care packages keep coming. What does that tell U. It tells U that we ran out of space a LOOONG time ago. This became evident when we were moving and discovered that we had 2 Christmas trees. How the hell that happened I don’t know. But fast forward to present day and the reason I’m even writing this, is that I never knew how long it took him to get all this done and what painstaking measures he took to get it right. I would show up from work and its done. Well, again, this year, I came home to the Christmas decorations up and in full form this year, with a few minor setbacks. We lost a bed when he pulled out all the Christmas stuff and piled it into the spare bedroom, and I had just noticed why I didn’t have much room for my clothes all this year until I walked into my bedroom closet to see that the top shelves were all empty now. Hmmm. I would think to myself, Santa threw up and died again and this is where Husbear was hiding the body all this time, lol. Im not a scrooge, trust me. I may sound like it for now, but read on, it gets better.

Well this past weekend, Husbear comes to me and says, I need U to help me with something. I agree and he then proceeds to tell me that the tree, which is beautiful by the way as is, needs to have more lights on it. Im like, well, ok, but I don’t think it needs more lights on it. Well he says it does and of course, I lose. That wasn’t all. The lights that are already on the tree need to be taken down so that he can put the extra lights on first, so that they are deeper in the tree. Then we have to put the lights back on that were there. WHAT? We argued about this for a good few minutes as I tried to explain the nonsense of the whole thing to him. I should have known that I was fighting a losing battle from the start. So I stood there with a scowl on my face, still arguing as I held the tree’s lights from across the room as he reassembled them onto the tree. He couldn’t help but see my disgust over the whole project as he asked what was wrong now. And then I said it, and U would have thought I had said Fuck Christmas to him. I blurted out in the height of my anger, “Well I just don’t see the sense of this whole thing and I think this is the most neurotic thing U have ever done. It’s just a tree!” As soon as I said it I knew I was a goner. Why did I have to say that? His eyebrows arched and he said “Just put the lights down and go away, I’ll finish it myself.” Well I had to stick it out and stay there to finish the job. I was in enough hot water as it was. We finished the tree his way in silence. The tension was thick enough to see by a blind man.

I apologized a little later and I complimented him on how well the tree looks. I guess I don’t know what all goes into him making the whole house so nice, but it took me to see the painstaking maneuvers first hand to appreciate the work that went into it. Call me a typical man, I guess. But he puts up with my strange tendencies more than anyone will ever know too, but that’s what being together for so long does to U. U learn to fight the good fight, no matter how stupid and move on to bigger and better things. Leave the small stuff behind, its not that important in the long run.

Speaking of being together, as I mentioned in the previous installment of What’s New, we were about to celebrate our 7 yr anniversary. Well, U always have it planned out in your head as to how it should play out. Don’t ever count on that, lol. I ended up getting sick as a dog and spending most of the weekend unconscious doped up on cold medications. He got sick too, but not nearly bad as I did. Regardless of that, we were able to go out to a nice dinner and watch a few movies at home. Most of the time though, we laid in bed, doing nothing and had a good time at it. Who says U need your health to have a good time. As long as U are together, thru sickness, health, and occasional fits of neurosis, the bad parts don’t seem so bad in the end.

In the meantime, on to the pics. These last few pics from NYC were probably the most difficult to take. The weather was great, but the water was COOOOLD. I hope I looked like I had a good time on the outside, because the inside was NOT HAPPY, lol. I think they turned out pretty damn good though. But U be the judge.

Have a Happy Holiday this season and be good to each other. I’ll be back in the New Year. Hope to see U all there for much bigger and better things. Drop me a line if U like. As always, I’d love to hear from U. And if U see me or the Husbear out somewhere, by all means, say HI! Tell us what U think of the tree. By the way, Husbear just read my draft before I put this up, and has threatened to sue if this goes public, lol. Here goes nothingJ

Woof

11/1/04

It seems sometimes, that your life takes odd turns for a reason, whether or not, U want it to. Sometimes, U have lessions to learn after the fact, and U appreciate the journey U took when its all over with. Other times, U have no idea why U went thru the journey and wake up goin, "What the hell was that for?". I guess thats why they call it life. I don’t know which the following experience was, but if U can see the lesson in this one, please let me know. Sometimes it just takes a fresh pair of eyes to read between the lines. At any rate, Im open to suggestions.

To start things off, like a lot of people I know, I have high blood pressure that needs to be controlled via daily medication. Thankfully, it has been the only drug I had to take, since being 35, I have the honor of saying that I only take one pill daily for any possible ailments I might accumulate along this road called life, so far. Well, about a couple of months ago, after a yearly exam with my doctor, he determined that my blood pressure was well under control and to his surprise, I had stopped taking my medication for about a month due to a stupid move on my part, being that I felt ok and felt I didn’t need to take it, I know, stupid move. But to my surprise, he told me that since I had gone this long without and my pressure seemed fine, then lets try life without taking the pill for a while. So that I did. Everything seemed fine, except the issues with the house I was still trying to sell at the time were mounting and even after we sold it, things just werent quite right. This was apparent to me when I started to have very mild chest pains, nothing too drastic, just dull pains in the middle of my chest. This started maybe over the course of a few days and would occasionally pop up seemingly at random. I took a very close interest in my blood pressure to see if anything could be detected as out of the norm. Well, it was definitely out of the norm. It was higher than I had seen in recent weeks, so I figured, well, lets just monitor this and in a few days, see where it takes us. Im one of those procrastinators who doesn’t like doing things to help myself let alone visit a hospital for anything. As the days went on, life seemed to return to normal as I was able to let the fact sink in that we finally sold the house which was a huge burdon on us at the time and times were extremely tough then. Its no longer such a burden and the Husbear and I just decided to really concentrate on our new stress free, and debt "lite" way of life. I would work out as normal and go to work and then come home. It was almost routine sometimes. But as the week went further by, the chest pains were getting a little stronger than just mild discomfort. At this point, I got worried and decided to call my doctor, ask him to refill my prescription for the medication I was taking and hopefully, this pain would go away. Well, once that was done, I really couldn’t wait to get the first pill down, for the simple fact that my mind tends to run wild when I worry, and I started having all these visions of what could happen. And my fears ran away form me at times and I would have these horrible scenarios playing out in my head, since in my mind, the last thing I wanted to happen was for me to be found dead in my car, with a water bottle in one hand and pill in the other and was just a few minutes too late, lol. See, that’s how bad it got. So I took the pill and waited for the next day. At this point, the Husbear was worried also since he could see that I was worried and could tell that something was wrong in my behavior. I confided in him and he even suggested that I go to the ER and get checked out. I shrugged it off and told him that I started taking the medication again and that it was only was a matter of time before I'd be feeling better. Well, day 2 came along and still no relief by morning. At that point, I was flat out scared. I worked out my day in what I would call code orange alert, and by lunchtime I was reading online about possible symptoms of the worst case scenarios that could play out by my symptoms. After that, my mind went into overdrive and I was left with one possibility, I felt like I might be having the big one. Plus, my blood pressure was even higher than I had ever seen it, personally speaking. So I drove home with this feeling of impending doom over my head and all I could think about was not wanting to leave the Husbear all alone in this world without me, and I thought of my family, who I'd miss terribly, and my friends, and etc. This was all just during the 30 minute drive home. I walked into the house, put my coat down, looked at the Husbear, and said, "OK, lets do this." So we took our drive down the street to the Emergency Room.

We waited about an hour before I was finally able to actually speak to someone who had the actual tools to examine me. I have to say, being on the receiving end of anything goin on in the Emergency Room. I have always been the one waiting in the lobby for word on whats going on or driving someone who needs to go there, never me. So needless to say I was kinda freaked out. Husbear was right by my side and we were just recounting the events that brought him there just over a year ago with his reconnection surgery after the emergency he had. Well, the Doctors and nurses came in and out doing this test, and that test, EKGs, bloodwork, X-Rays and such. All the while, I was expecting a full nite stay and contemplating my impending doom. Then they gave me something to swallow, nothing nice at all, mind U. I was told to swallow this green minty smelling liquid that I was advised to just chug it down quickly. I had no idea why until I did. I did as the nurse said. As I did, I found out why she wanted me to chug it. It was because if I didn’t, I might not be able to. It numbed my throat instantly, on contact. It went down and before I could make a face at how bad it was, I felt as if my tongue swelled to the point that every time I swallowed from then on, it was if I wasn’t careful, my tongue would go down with it. But also, I noticed something else that strangely went away. My chest pain immediately stopped after that. I was amazed. At that moment, the nurse came back with the tests. She said that every single test came back fine, except the fact that I still had the high blood pressure, which I was already taking the meds for. They also told me what I had that made me come in to see them in the first place. I had Heartburn, brought on most obviously by stress. The sale of the house had taken a toll on my body. And for that, my mind took me to the ER. I felt so embarrassed and stupid, but the doctor told me I did the right thing by coming in. They see a lot of cases come in that played out exactly like mine, and thankfully, it wasn’t what my mind had led me to believe. They also do see the other end of the spectrum, and unfortunately, some of those cases don’t make it past that part of the hospital. So I considered myself very lucky to know the signs and now know how stupid I was for waiting so long to take action. Those who would have waited as long as I did for the real thing, wouldn’t have made it.

Now, maybe Im crazy, but I left that hospital with only one lesson, but Im sure there is more out there. The one I learned is that it is painfully obvious that I am now getting older and Im not as young as I used to be. This is now obvious because instead of just 1 pill, every morning, for the rest of my life, I have 3. They put me on another medication to use in addition of the one blood pressure medication, and a medication to control my second condition of Acid Reflux. I can imagine that by 50, the pills I will have to take could count as my first meal of the day, lol. So if there are any other lessons U see in this, please let me know, because Im still shaking my head on that one.

Moving on, its been a crazy month to say the least with everything goin on. The Husbear and I were spending what little cash we had leftover from bills from the sale of the house on finally something we wanted to spend it on, Us. So off to the mall we went several weekends in a row, just to go crazy a little for a while. One thing I have begun to notice however is that the Holidays are really starting to blend, and not in a nice way even. It’s the businesses trying to cover all their bases for Halloween but yet, remind us that Christmas is right around the corner. This is painfully evident when outside one store we went to, there is a giant blowup skeleton for sticking outside your front door, and right next to it, not even 3 feet away, is a giant blowup Santa Claus. Halloween isnt even a month away yet when I see this. Whats next, in a few years, we will have billboards of Santa flying around at midnite on a broom wearing a cape and witch's hat, and all the while, the broom is being dragged thru the air by 13 black cats, and Christmas trees will have cobwebs instead of angle hair. Who knows. At that, I just had to shake my head and keep goin thru the stores trying to get that vision out of my head. Now, in doing that, spending a fun Sunday in our mall of choice, we see lots of people who happen to know us from other places as well as some who know us from, well, here. And that’s cool. I have even gotten used to the occasional stares from someone who recognizes me on the street and walks up and says hey, I've been to yours site, and then get either, its cool, or even I hate it. Who knows til it comes out of their mouths. Well, we were in a little bath and body boutique a few weeks ago, sampling the scents for handsoaps, that’s our thing lately. All of a sudden, two guys, both with shaved heads, goatees, very attractive, and apparently on a date or already a couple, walked into the store. They seemed to walk right up to us but went just past us to the point where it was evident that we were being cruised, we both felt it. Our eyes met and we smiled as they made their way to the back of the store, never taking their eyes off us. I didn’t turn to face them once they passed because I didn’t want to seem too obvious, but Husbear kept his eyes on them since his skills of being discrete as possible have not yet fully developed, lol. He whispered into my ear, "Yeah, they have seen your site." I asked him, well "How can U tell?" As he was explaining this, they made a bee line out of the store, still staring and smiling. I could only help but smile back, these guys were HOT, lol, but I digress. He said that they stopped just short of the counters, didn’t even look like they were shopping and one whispered to the other, pointed in our direction, and gave one of those what I now call the "I know about your website, and I've seen U naked" looks. They then both nodded and ran out of the store. Oh well, people are shy that way. I wouldn’t have minded at all if they came up and said Hi or even struck up a conversation. Maybe he was even wrong about knowing, but its obvious that it couldn’t have been anything else. It was fun while the thrill lasted, lol. We went about our shopping and I never saw them again. Oh well.

I have to start planning for our Anniversary soon. Like within the next few weeks. Its on the 14th of Nov. Then it will be official, 7 years. I surely cant believe that I have been with one man for that long with no chance of parole offered. I guess Im a lifer, lol. We've really gone thru some ups and downs this past year and a half that have truly tested our relationship. It seems we have passed with flying colors. So whatever we do, it will be sure to be a very nice night for both of us. Any great ideas for the big 7? lemme know.

On yet another side note, I mentioned in the previous update that I was taking on a new hobby with my spare time. I can honestly say Im learning a lot from the few weeks I have put into it, but playing by ear, which is what I keep veering off the lesson track to do more times than not, proves to be harder than I thought. But anyway, here's a sample of what it looks like when I'm actually sticking to my lesson, taken by Husbear himself.

Moving on, this next batch of pics I have labeled New in Gallery 9 are a continuation of my session with the photographer from Woolsrake.com. I have so many of these to share that I decided to space them out for a while and get your opinions on them slowly. I hope U enjoy seeing them as much as I did making them.

Thanks for stopping by, and hey, say Hi when U see me sometime. I may even bite;)

9/19/04

Well, Im back, from what seems like an extremely long hiatus. I havent had time for much of anything let alone myself lately. And as I may have said before in my other writings recently, way too much has gone on with other things needing my undivided attention that I cant even control. Things just happen. The Husbear and I took some much needed time to just get things organized in our new condo. He took care of most of the things needed to get it just right. The sale of the house was nothing short of a complete nightmare as far as experiences go, but at least its done. I love our new place, and the pool, hmm… lots to look at to say the least, lol. Nonetheless, I have had to put quite a few things on the back burner for a while, kinda had to let the dust settle for a little bit. But for now, Im back with just enough free time to devote to updating this site which has been long overdue if U were to ask me. Frankly, I miss the days of regular writings and picture postings of my latest work. I still consider it fun, and I love what Im doing, its just this whole time thing I have to get down. U have to give me some credit though, my priorities have been in the right place during all of this, hence, the long silence and delay.

This next group of pics were taken in May of this year while in NYC. I was there for about 5 days and met a lot of people I had been wanting to meet and work with for quite a while. Its an experience I'll never forget. I met up with Jim, the owner of his own website, Woolsrake.com thru a friend I chatted with online for a while and met while I was there as well. Several months before the visit, we decided to work together and do a shoot. We kept in contact and as the date got closer, set our appointment in stone. I met him at midmorning and we got to chat for a while as we discussed what he had in mind for the shoot. I was impressed with the professionalism he exhibited and also got to see some of the other models he was working on processing thru his site. I was honored to meet him as well as work with him. Well, we headed up to the roof where, as U can see, there were plenty of spots to work with as well as the weather that day was perfect. We started with some simple shots of me shirtless, and worked from there. Before I knew it, we had just spent 3 hrs on the roof and taken over 700 shots. I feel like I know every spot on that roof now, lol. It was one of the highlights of my trip. We parted ways and have kept in touch since then. When I got the pictures back, I was really impressed with how well his ideas turned out. He's extremely talented and I hope to work with him someday again. I couldn’t wait to share them. For more of his work, by all means, check it out on his site at Woolsrake.com. The link is in my Links page.

I will add more pics at a later date, and hopefully not take as long as I did between updates as before, so check back periodicly. And by all means, drop me a line anytime and say hello. I really love chatting with the wide scope of people who make it to the site from around the world. Don’t U just love the internet?

On a completely different side note, and dont ask me why, but another one of my "back burner" projects I thought I'd try to start up one of these days I had some free time kinda just fell into my lap. I was chatting with some friends at work and this subject just came about, and before U know it, one person had a guitar they werent using. And now its mine, as a loaner, of course. No idea how to use it, but was also given some tutorial software and this is day 2 of my "learning" experience. Not too bad for day 2, my fingers hurt, but they say that will pass. It had better pass soon, or I'm just gonna turn the stove off, at least on that back burner, lol.

Talk atcha later:)

Woof

8/1/04

I hate to even have to start by saying this, but here goes...Sorry for the long wait between writings. I have been much busier lately than I even thought I deserved. A lot has gone on within the last few months that have just turned our lives updown momemtarily, but we're slowly getting back on track so that I can at least bring my head out from under the covers without something requiring my undivided attention for the enitre day to rear its ugly head. With that said, here goes nothing, lol.

Around mid to late May, we ended up moving from our big house in the suburbs to a tiny condo less than half the size of what we had to put all our stuff. Keep in mind, that moving was not exactly the first thing on our minds at the moment, but we had always thought about moving closer into town one day when the price was right. At the time of making that statement, it wasnt really likely that we would be going anywhere soon with the prices in Atlanta going nowhere but up for even the distant foreseeable future. Well, never say never, especially when it comes to my dilligent Husbear. He always does this, goes out shopping with a friend with no intention of buying, but to be the emotional support of the person he's shopping with, and then comes home with something new, only to blame it on a bipolar moment. It can be anything from something small like a lamp, to what I thought would be the topper of all time, having our gutters replaced with that new fangled covered thingamajig. U know the name, lol. Anyway, I come home from work and something's different, U know how it is. Well anyway, he went condo shopping with a friend of his back in April, and of course, what pops up, RED FLAG! I should have seen it coming, he found one he liked. So of course, there we were with our perfect opportunity to get much closer to where we wanted to be. Our intown condo was right within our reach. Within a month, we were moved in and lovin life. Just one last thing to do, sell this other house. No small feat, but its finally in the works and we close later this month. The new place is just wonderful. Its less than 10 minutes from everywhere we wanna be, it literally cut my drive time in half to work, the Husbear is only 5 minutes from work himself, and the best part, fags, fags, fags, for as far as the eye can see, lol. Im back with my peeps! The condo is basicly old apartements that were originally populated by college students for the most part, They are slowly but surely being converted over to 100% condo over the next year or so, so the whole College atmosphere is slowly fading away. Each end of the month gives way to an onslaught of moving vans with people moving out because they cant afford the condo prices, mainly why? Because they're in college. But for now, Im gonna enjoy the sights while I can, the pool area on the weekends are quite the sight to see. Makes me feel young again, or U can look at it another way, it makes me feel so OLD.

Speaking of older, my Birthday went off without a hitch. We had dinner out with some of my closest friends and then headed off to the bar, yes, the Husbear and I both, for a few drinks. Those new to the site might wanna read down below about a year to see what happened last year, what a mess. But this time we had a wonderful time out, I rang in my new year the way I wanted to, and thats when the fun began, I started to drink, HEAVILY. Now keep in mind that I dont drink much at all during the year, I only drink socially to have a drink in my hand when I go out and I nurse that for most of the night. I only drink heavier than that maybe twice a year, New Years Eve and my Birthday in June, so I think those are spread apart enough to know that there's no problem with my drinking habits. Well, U know what happens when I do start to drink heavily? I lose any and every bit of a censor button there ever was. I also become a confessional drunk, lol, I tell everything to anybody who will listen. There were people Im sure I saw that I never met that I was talking to. The Husbear for the most part was my censor for the night. But I was happy and way outta control if left on my own. By the end of the night, there were spots of time that I still dont remember, and I have to rely on the Husbear's crystal clear account of the things I did and said while I was drunk off my ass for the night. Nothing major, just completely outta character for me. Next day, HANGOVER. But that goes without saying.

The weekend after that was Pride weekend, and to say the least, it was a washout. As soon as the last float was in sight, the sky opened up and we literally got stormed on. It was so bad that we even left early. Normally Pride weekend is my time to be in the park rain or shine. Not this year, though. No reason to get my faggotty ass struck by lightning all because I wanted to party a little longer. But to all those out there that said hi and said they had been to the site, a big thanks to U. Its a great feeling to know that some of U are out there checking back from time to time.

As for any new pics, I will have some out soon hopefully. I figured I would slow down on the mass production and release for a while because of the fact that too much of anything can be a bad thing sometimes. But hey, Im still havin fun, so check back real soon for more pics. Drop me a line soon, as always, I love hearing from U guys.

Woof

6-13-04

Well, lets try this one more time, shall we. If U have been reading all along, then U will remember this time last year was the month that I tried to celebrate my birthday in the usual fashion, drinks, friends, and lots of celebration activities all over town. Last year, at the last minute, because of medical emergencies with my Husbear, that came to a screeching halt. This year, my Birthday falls on Father's Day, which means Saturday nite is the nite I "plan" on ringing in my new year the same way I planned on it last year, minus the last minute trips to the emergency room. When I say "plan", this year, I mean that I face the coming weekend with similar issues. Nothing wrong with the Husbear, this time, but impending emergencies with family back home nonetheless that may have me leaving town for a few days. I wont discuss that here. Of course, family comes first anyday in my book, but should I get to party it up this year for my big 35, I have some extra celebrating to do for my last year as well. Dinner with close friends, then off to my favorite watering hole for my favorite 3 D's: dancing, drinking, and d***watching, lol. The 'Tic is gonna love me by the end of the night. Anyway, Im gonna keep this one short. If U happen to buzz by here on the 20th, drop me a line and wish me a Happy Birthday. I'd love to hear from U. Back in a few;)

5-20-04

This writing will be a bit longer than the rest since I was tending to be a little secretive in my last post. I have some explaining to do. Reason being that I didnt want to jinx anything til I got all the facts and the deed was done. But here it is, my dream is coming true. The trip I took this past weekend was to NYC.

The reason for the trip was originally to visit one person to pose for his website in exchange for more pics for my own. He also has connections to send my pic to other photographers for more exposure. The website is a bear oriented website called Woolsrake.com. I was sent to his site a while back from another buddy of mine who has his own homepage called LittleBearNYC.com. LittleBear and I met online a long while back and after doing more research, learned that he had a website just like mine. Although his is not as forthwith with the nudity as I am, its the similarities that drew me to him. We remained friends for over a year or so now and after seeing more of his pics that were sent to me, I asked who did his shots. He in turn told me about Woolsrake.com. I checked that out and saw that he has come up with a great way to get potential models some much needed exposure by "becoming a Woolsrake Man". That seemed right up my alley. So I contacted him this past winter and after checking out my homepage, we setup a tentative date to meet and have him take pics for his site. I was well on my way to becoming a Woolsrake Man. We set the date for sometime in May when it was warm enough to work on his favorite canvas, his rooftop. The thought of the rooftop caught my attention as I browsed thru his site. I really liked the style of his photos and really felt that he knew what he was doing. So I put my trust in his judgement and set the date.

That was the first bit of good news that was really going to work in my favor after months of seeking more exposure. I have made quite a few friends in that area that I have kept in close contact over the years that I have met thru posting my website. Over time U kinda learn thru experience that having a site out here will draw all sorts of email in your direction. Some U read as just acquaintances on the web, and others stick out as what I call "keepers". Keepers are the ones that stand out as being truly genuine in their conversations and U value them as true friends. I know that the way things are today, its more and more dangerous to meet people online for anybody. Some just want U for one thing only, and I have come to see thru that most of the time. Others U come in contact with are much more than that. Those are the ones that I value as true friends. One of which is Paul, who lives in Manhattan. Over time, I have come to value his friendship as well as he values mine. He is one of the few that I chat with at least once or twice a week. He's a friend that I will treasure for life. We all have those few that come across our paths that U can seem to trust with most anything. He offered his place for me to stay in while I was there, no strings attatched, and I could carry out what business I had to tend to for the duration. Plus, I was promised the best tour guide that I would ever find in NYC. How right he was on that one, but we'll get to that later.

So I setup the trip about a month and a half in advance when the prices were at their peak low, which turned out to be mid May. Weather should be perfect. Well, in the meantime, I was making my usual updates to my site as well as setting up the appointment with the Woolsrake site as well as getting myself into shape to make my "NY debut". I knew a lot would be riding on this trip so I wanted everything to be at peak performance. I threw myself into this overloaded workout routine to sort of get as trim as possible, and no, it wasnt easy to say the least. The closer the date got, the more intense my workouts would become. Well, a month before the trip, I updated the site once again with my latest photos, the shower ones. When I do my updates, I always get a slew of new guys who find the site for the first time. I usually hear from them more often than not, which is cool in itself. Sometimes I get the regulars who let me know they got the notice and provide their comments on this months pics. This batch of responses was different, because in it, was one that really changed the way I saw this upcoming trip. I got an email from a guy who came across my pics and took the time to read and found out that I was interested in posing for Blk Inches. He said that he does some work for the magazine and wanted to let me know to inform him if I was ever going to be in the NYC area. Well, he sent me some examples of some of his work along with his references, and sure enough, after much homework on my part found that it was legit. This trip became that much more important that I look my best. So the workouts became even more intense. After much correspondence back and forth, he wanted to know, since I told him I was now slimmer than my latest pics on my site, his editor wanted to know how much more weight I lost since those pics. I said 10 pounds, which was pretty close at the time. He said he would relay the info and see if his editor could get the ball rolling with an approval. I patiently waited a few more weeks and finally got the email that said, everything is a Go. So I finally have the one chance to get my wish. U have no idea how much I have pushed for this day. I was excited beyond belief. And the workouts got even more intense. Up until the day I set foot on the plane I pushed myself. And so, the trip began....

I got off the plane, which was a horrible flight when U think about it, pretty tired. U know, when they ask U at checkin if U want a window seat, and U say yes, whats the chance of getting the row of seats where U get a "window seat" but so far back in the plane where there are no more windows? I was in the very back row. Which wasnt fun because my first trip to NYC, in my head at least, would be one where I fly in seeing all the beautiful skyscrapers that NY is known for. What I got was the peeling layer of interior paneling to stare at for the duration of the trip. I didnt even know when we were landing til I hit the ground. Now thats bad, lol. So needless to say, I was tired and somewhat bitter over that episode, but nonetheless glad to be there. And of course, being in the back of the plane, I was literally the last person off the plane. Not happy about that either. I finally made it out of the plane to baggage claim where Paul was happily waiting to see me. We hugged and then got my tired butt into a cab where we high tailed it outta there into the busy streets of New York. During that initial trip to his place, I have come to the resounding conclusion that everyone in a car on the streets of NYC has a death wish and everyone else is just in the way. I had never seen such a mangled mess of cars sitting in the same stretch of road inching only a few feet every few minutes, and believe me when I tell U, the horns work in New York. Well, about an hour later, we made it to Paul's place where I put my bags down in my own room that was made up just for me, and I decided to take a very small nap. Before that, I told Paul, dont worry, I only take naps for about 20 to 30 minutes even if I am tired. We'll be out and about in no time. Well, 3 and a half hours later, I wake up not even knowing where I was. I had surprised myself at how tired I really was. Paul laughed it off and said he knew I was tired and decided to let me sleep. So I got ready and we were on our way out the door to see the sights.

It was getting dark as we set out for the city, but he told me that we were well on our way to a fun time in Manhattan. I was almost certain that since it was a Thursday nite, that like Atlanta, there would really be nothing going on. I was once again proven wrong. After hitting a few crowded bars, we eventually made it to Times Square by subway and it was about 10:30 at nite when I realized, this isnt the Atlanta crowd I was used to at all. To say that the sea of people I saw on the streets was nothing short of Amazing, was a clear understatement. I was floored by the roar of the amount of people carrying simple conversations. They were speaking in every dialect, every language, in what seemed to be a normal speaking tone, yet there were so many of them that the sound was almost deafening. Paul couldnt help but laugh at the utter amazement on my face as I took in the sights. The streets were like broad daylight, there were so many lights and liquid crystal jumbotrons lit up at one time that it was like standing in front of hundereds of giant TV screens. U were almost squinting at the bright lights of 42nd street. I saw all the Broadway playhouses in action and the people were like ants, heading in so many different directions it made my head spin. With my mouth still stuck open with just total awe, Paul took me home for the night. For a Thursday nite, I had complete sensory overload, lol. I needed a break.

I woke up the next morning to a wonderful breakfast before we went out on the town. Paul had to work for a few hours but didnt want me to be bored at home so he took me around the corner from where he works and let me workout in his gym for a few hours. Now there was a place to people watch if there ever was one. I saw sights in there that turned even my head. And when I workout I usually focus on what Im there for, to work out. I couldnt help but stare at all the beautiful bodies that were in front of me. I did what I could for what few hours I had and then walked over to Pauls work.

He had just finished and we were off to do more sight seeing. We went just about everywhere there was to go in what time we had. We went to Chinatown and right next to that, Little Italy. We had dinner on the curbside of an Italian restaurant which for the first time, I had truly had an authentic Italian meal. The seafood pasta was excellent, I really couldnt have wanted for anything more that day. My main concern was the next day looming ahead. My first shoot. So we called it a day and headed home. We had done plenty for that day and had more to do over the next few.

I woke up the next morning bright and early and was escorted to my first shoot of the weekend. It was for the Woolsrake site. The shoot was to take place at his warehouse studio/home in Brooklyn. Paul escorted me right to the door and as soon as he heard the voice over the intercom to greet me, he left. I had by then learned enough about the train system there that I could easily make it back on my own. I walked in and was greeted at the top of the stairs by Jim and his lover. We traded greetings and I took a tour of his studio, which was actually well put together. I could only imagine the inside shots he can get. We agreed that since it was such a nice day outside that we would do it outside on the roof. I had brought a few changes of clothes to start out in just in case we wanted to try a few things and headed outside to the roof. Since we had been conversing over the past few months, it was really comfortable to chat with him while the shoot was taking place. We got quite a few great shots out on that roof and we had the whold roof to utilize as a backdrop so we just kept going and going and going. I actually got quite a bit of sun that day, no tan lines, of course, lol. By the end of the day, we had taken well over 300 pics. Not that they were all good but thats the way photo sessions go, U shoot and shoot and shoot and pickout the best ones to publish. We parted ways and I made it back to Paul's place. We celebrated with more sight seeing and dinner.

During that excursion, I was taken to a place in Times Square that had been left untouched by the revitalization of the area. From what I heard, the whole district was "cleaned up" of all the porn and seediness. Well they forgot one, luckily, lol. This place was called the Gaiety. Its a small theatre that in my opinion harness some of what Atlanta's strip clubs are missing - the ability to "get it up". In Atlanta, they blow cold air on the dancers to keep them from getting erect. At the Gaiety, the dancers come back after a minute of fluffing, with erections that made even me blush. Now thats saying something. One dancer did something that made the crowd stand up and applaud. He stood in the middle of the stage with his huge boner and proceeded to suck himself, not something U see every day. I was truly impressed. After that, we headed home for the night. One more shoot to go. Blk Inches.

The next morning, I was on my own again to find the studio. I made it there 20 minutes early which impressed even myself. I got there and Lee was getting ready for the Inches shoot. He was by far, a professional. He was personable as well as easy going. We chatted for a few minutes, told me what he was gonna be doing with me, and then we got to it. We went down the street and took a few opening shots. For this, Im a construction worker getting off of a hard day's work. Now keep in mind, when I was going over this concept weeks ago with the Husbear, he heard the thought of being a construction worker and just couldnt stop lauging uncontrollably. He sees me more as a flagboy rather than a rugged construction worker, but we will agree to disagree, thats just how we are with each other, lol. Anyway, we did those shots fully clothed, mind U. We were outside, so no need in getting arrested for this shoot, maybe next time, lol. Anyway, we continued inside and did the shower thing. I think some of those will really turn out nice. I know I did the shower thing before on my own site, but hey, this is big time, think I'll be alright with that. After the shower, we took it into the bedroom. I really liked that session because I was able to come up with my own poses. All in all, it was a great shoot. While we were getting ready to let me go for the day, I was able to see a lot of his other stuff that he's working on for other magazines. To say the least I was impressed. Things went so well that I might just work with him again should I come back to NY for even just a quick visit. And Im all for that. I had left that shoot feeling very giddy, for lack of a better word. The reason for the trip was complete. Now keep in mind that there is still the chance that the editor will see the finished product and the pics will never be published, but at this point, I cant say I never tried harder than I did just then. So keep your fingers crossed. I'll let U guys know as soon as I do. Now that I had completed this monumental goal in my book, there was one more thing I hadnt been able to do until that moment, EAT everything in sight. I said goodbye to Lee and I did just that, lol. What a way to finish up a trip.

I made it back to Paul's place, rested up a bit and then we went back downtown to do just a bit more sightseeing down Fifth Ave. and the Empire State Building along the way. After that was done, Paul left me to the streets of NYC where I had setup a little meeting with a few other close friends I had met over the internet that I had kept in contact over the years. One being LittleBear that I had mentioned before, and another good friend David. We had all spent some time or another watching each other on WebcamNow.com what seems like a loooong time ago now. Its good to have friends like that who happen to have a somewhat shady past doing something we all liked to do. I cant say that any one of us still do it, I certainly dont, but its cool to have shared that experience. We met down in Chelsea down by the pier and had a few drinks before taking a few pics down at the pier for old times sake. The two of them were great to hang with and just fortified the reason I have stayed in contact with them for so long. They are genuinely great people and Im glad they made the effort to come and see me while I was in town. I know, however, that coming to town, there were a few others in NYC I wasnt able to meet that I know there, but thats why there's always a next time to do that. Y’all know who U are, and I apologize for missing U guys in this trip. I may have more time next time around.

Anyway, Im glad to be home, and no matter how much being away is fun, there is no better feeling than to be back in my own bed. Plus, its great to sleep next to the man that loves U the most. My Husbear missed me and he let me know it;) I slept like I hadnt slept in DAYS.

Now for the thank U's. I cant end this installment without thanking those that helped make this trip the success that it turned out to be. First off, and this trip would not have even been possible without the blessing of my Husbear to let me chase this dream of mine. He was trusting of me and the city of New York to be on our best behaviour while I was there. Without U, there would be no trip. So with that, I say Thank U Lover;)

Next, in no particular order, I want to thank U, Paul, for opening your home up to me and being the best damn tourguide U knew how to be, and that thank U pales in the hospitality U have shown me over the past 5 days. U have been a friend for all these years and after finally meeting, I know why I call U friend. I hope U and your boyfriend have the same love that I have for mine. (I didnt use Paul's pic in any of this site because at the time of this writing, I hadnt gotten his permission to use them so maybe another time)

To the photographers of both shoots, Lee and Jim, U guys are the spitting image of professionalism and class. I cant tell U both how glad I am to have worked with such rare talent. I only hope that I was as good a subject as U hoped, and I definitely wish to work with U guys again someday soon. Thank U for that once in a lifetime opportunity. I am truly humbled to work with guys of your calibre.

To my friends David and LittleBear, we must do that again sometime. Thanks for taking the time to meet me. And if U are ever in Atlanta, U know my door is open to U. We had a blast on the pier and if I could relive it every day, I would. Both of U are class A friends in my book. Thank U for the hospitality. David, Dinner is on me next time, remember that, lol.

Well, thats all I can write for now, and Im sure that if U are awake after reading all of that, Im sure U deserve some kind of medal.

Thanks for the support everyone, and as I know more info on the pics and when and if they are due out in print, I'll keep U posted. I'll talk to U soon.

Woof

5/1/04

I cant begin to tell U how stressful this month has been for me. With so many life changing adjustments going on right now, its hard to concentrate on much else whether it matters or not. Sorry this posting is so late. But hey, priorities; remember that word sometime when U have a lot to juggle. The Husbear and I have decided to move closer into the city, which means closer to our friends. This came all of a sudden, well, so to speak. U know how it is, condo shopping with a friend with no intention to buy for yourself. Next thing U know, the house is on the market and U have an epiphany that sets your whole world upside down trying to find boxes from every alley and grocery store. All of this happened in less than a month, lol. But oh well, whats life if U dont have a few hills and valleys to climb. Nowadays its more like a rollercoaster ride, at least for this month, lol.

I got my copy of the Black Inches magazine, July's issue, I was in. Funny how that happened. I was sitting with the Husbear in the garage during one of those things people have when they decide to move and realize, we have too much stuff, a garage sale. The mail came and I get this brown paper wrapped thingy that looked like something U would get from an adult book store. I had no idea what it was, but as I walked back to the garage and thru the few people that were browsing thru our things, I stopped in my tracks, and thought about it another second, and as it came to me, I looked at the Husbear and just mouthed the words thru the crowd, "I think this is it." He just had a blank look on his face as if I told him without words that I was about to have a stroke but didnt know why. I eased my way thru the crowd with this secret thing in my hand as if the cover was already off and they could see what it was. Silly me, lol. But I just had to slip into the house and see for myself as to whether or not I was right. I told Husbear to hold down the fort while I checked it out. I went into the house and unwrapped it like it was fine china, lol, And sure enough, there it was. I opened it up and flipped thru it and there it was, right in the middle, ME, in what seemed like a full page ad. I was psyched to high heaven, but only had a few more seconds before I was gonna get called outside. I had made it to 3 pics on the page. I was never more proud of this accomplishment. My only gripe on the whole situation was that it was only 2 yrs old, the pics werent my best, and even in the profile, they're saying Im 32, the age I was when I sent them in. Had I known, I would have added a little to my age from the beginning, lol. Anyway, that was my little crowning glory I had been shooting for for quite some time now. So I put the magazine back and sent the Husbear in to check em out. He was impressed with the layout. He also noticed the age difference, but who cares, in my eyes, for that little moment in time, I made it. We finished up the yardsale at the end of the day and went about the evening, occasionally sneaking looks at my early Birthday Present. Its not til June, but hey, who's counting, to me, this was a treat.

Anyway, there's another piece to the puzzle I am only going to hint at for now. Simply because I dont wanna jinx anything before its said and done. Along with the move this month, and trying to sell the house, I also have a trip I have to make to for now, an undisclosed place for what will hopefully get a little more exposure. This just happened to fall into my lap recently so I decided to see where it goes. I'll fill U in as I get more info. Sorry for all the secrecy, but as I said, lets not get too far ahead of ourselves. But if it works out, this could be really big for me, cross your fingers, everybody. More to come soon.......

3/26/04

Well, its done. Its been such a bad group of months and busy as hell, but I have finally gotten over this thing I like to classify as my busy time of year. It was truly a thing of true hell to have to go thru it every year at work like this. But hey, the alternative could be me sitting at home jobless wondering where my next check was coming from. Plus the people I work with give me enough pleasure during the day that I dont have to go thru it alone.

But enough of my work, lets get on to something I'd much rather talk about, updating this site. I know its been quite some time since I added anything to it but with the description in the above paragraph, I'll leave it to just having it up there as to why I have stayed away for so long, lol.

I have to say, that even with being away for so long, there's still never a dull day that goes by with the email that I get just from having this site up and running. I get messages from guys all the time that just happen to pass by and find it, like it, and send well wishes and admiration mostly, occasionally a pic or 2, which is always welcome. This site has also drawn a few different offers that I might be working on taking in the near future. As to the details, I wont go into for fear of jinxing it, but I'll let U know as soon as I do. Keep your fingers crossed.

As for things turning in my favor, one small victory came in a bit of good news is that there is a big chance that the pics I submitted to Black Inches Magazine a while ago, a long while ago, might be used in their July issue. I got a letter asking me to fill out the final paperwork a few weeks ago and the invoice said 7/04. So it will probably be out in July. Sad thing about it is that I submitted those pics 2 years ago to the day of me getting that letter. Is it just me, or is that show as hell? The pics I was taking 2 years ago arent nearly as the ones that Tony has been taking. So to me, the pics are sub par. My best work wont be seen there at all. However, if they do happen to show up in that issue, write in to them and let them know if U like them. Maybe I might get the call to do the real thing. Who knows? Thats how these things get started anyway. Im excited more than U know. I think its an accomplishment I have worked for far too long. Lets just sit and see how it all plays out.

The Husbear is doin fine by the way. Now that the weather is starting to get much nicer outside, we've been walking in the park more and more on the weekends. But dont let the weather fool U down here. We had shorts weather last week, this week, freeze warnings, lol. Go figure.

Anyway, I decided to finally release these pics I have been holding onto for a few months now. I took these in December right after Xmas. I was lucky enough to have a friend willing to let me use his bathroom for this shoot. I wont mention any names, but Cliff, U know who U are, Thanks a Million, lol. We really didnt know how nice the shots would turn out until we got them back. I was floored at how good they looked. The light, the colors in the bathroom, the fixtures all came together so well I think I have finally done my best work so far. Sure, I say that all the time, but hey, if they get better, they get better. And its a hell of a way to stay motivated to stay in shape. I have my ups and downs with my eating and exercise habits, but dont we all?

Well, thats about all I have time for now, but I just wanted to put the waiting to an end. I have been getting the emails looking for the next update, but hey, some things might be worth the wait. I hope U like these. If so, do two things. First, let me know. Secondly, pass the site along. And as always, help keep the site running with your donations. I hope to hear from U soon:) Much love to U all.

Woof

2/1/04

Hey guys, just wanted to drop the last bit of pics from this set when I had the time. I'm actually surprised with the amount of time I have at this moment to even work on this thing. This week, for lack of a better way to put it, workwise, has been nominated for the type of week that if I were to categorize it, would be to file it down in the lower depths of hell. Yes, that bad, lol. I cant think of another week I have ever wanted to take off my clothes and run screaming naked from my tiny cubicle, all the way around the halls of the building, thru the cafeteria and finally out into the parking lot into the probably waiting arms of the security team as they drag me off the property for good just in the name of going out with a bang, lol. Say that in one breath, I dare U, lol. Sometimes work will do that to U, Im sure U have all been there once or twice. I cant think of a worse week since I have been there, but hey, thats why we cherish the weekends so much.

Anyway, I also added yet another page to this ever growing site. I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned this before, but I kinda think of this site as a small pet project gone horribly out of control. Surprisingly, not in a bad way. I kinda like it out here. When will it stop? Soon, maybe, I dont know yet. I have toyed with a timeframe maybe later this year, but thats just in the back of my head for now, why stop when Im havin so much fun at it. And it seems to be gaining steam in some circles, from what I have heard. To U out there spreadin the word that Im here, thanks. U know who U are, lol. Anyway, the page I added is like a small taste of whats to come in the near future. Also, there's an updated shot of the Husbear I took while on the coast a few weeks ago. Its right in the center of his page. I think he looks great since the surgery. I have a backlog of pics I like to hold on to til I get more done, and I'll be releasing them slowly like I normally do. So this page shows U just that, whats in store for next month. Im still lookin for that motorcycle scene I have been talkin up in past months. Its just not happenin yet. Come on, guys, Somebody has to know somebody willing to loan out a motorccle for a few hours, and not even for riding, well, U know what I mean, lol. At any rate, have a look at the preview page. If U like the idea, lemme know. Im lookin for some feedback on that one. And of course, stay tuned. I'll be chattin with U guys soon, and U always know where to find me. The word of the day is Woof.... Spread it!

1/20/04

I just wanted to say hey to U guys and put the 2nd set of pics for Gallery 7 out there while I have a few moments. Its been pretty hectic lately with work and all that goes with it. I hardly have time to think str8 sometimes but this past weekend was a little different. I got to hang out on the GA coast for the long weekend with some of my closest friends. One couple has a beach condo out that way and they invited a group of us to tag along with them. So the Husbear and I loaded up the car and drove 5 hrs for what was a hell of a slumber party. The weather was actually better than normal for this time of year, so we were able to take advantage of a few good days and soak up the good vibes of the weekend. At night, we all crowded around the TV and watched all sorts of movies, mostly of the horror persuasion. Not that there wasnt a bit of a struggle over what we would watch, some were a bit too nervous and high strung to comfortably sit thru a few of the screamers we brought with us, but I force fed as much as they could stand until eventually vetoed from the remote control on the last day, lol. But Im glad to be back home and ready for work again.

Now these next pics were taken on the same day as the first bedroom shots, just a different part of the studio. I really liked them and hope U do too. By the way, thanks for the donations that have come in over the last few weeks. The help is much appreciated and I hope to be able to drag this site out a few more months til the end of summer at least. Not sure yet, but I think Im starting to think about retiring this old site for bigger and better things, or maybe just quit altogether. But more on that later. But for now, Enjoy.

1/03/04 (get ready, this is a long one)

Well, Hey guys, Happy New Year!!!

Sorry it took so long getting these pics out, but I had a hell of a time getting my head straight over the holidays to make any semblance of what I was gonna do first, get the site updated, or make sure Christmas arrived ontime for the folks at home. I chose wisely, I think. It has been kinda tough on another level as well. This site needs donations to keep going. I have huge restrictions on the bandwidth that comes from this site with visitors coming and going every day. That costs money to do. At this point, I am in danger of having to shut down due to lack of funds. If U can, please give what U can to help the cause. Paypal is very easy to sign up for so I hope U consider that these pics are free for a reason, because I love doing what I do. And to those who have donated before, I truly appreciate the help thus far. Now, on to the good stuff.

Well I havent updated this site in quite a while, almost 2 months. My apologies for being so late. Most of U already know that Im a bit more punctual than that. But there has been so much goin on in the world of Woof lately, lol. In November, Husbear and I celebrated our 6th yr. anniversary together. All I can say about that is that he sure knows how to pull out the stops for a romantic weekend. I knew we stayed together for something, lol. Im so lucky to have him. U guys just dont know.

I hope everybody had a safe holiday season and wish everyone a safe and prosperous year ahead. Hope Santa was good to U this Xmas. We fared pretty well in our household. I got some new speakers for my PC that come with a SubWoofer for the bass, which is exactly what I need considering I spend so much time on my PC playing music, among other things. As for the rest of the holiday season, I got to go home and be with my family which was equally fun sitting around the kitchen and reliving old times with family and friends of the family. The Husbear didnt go up with me for Thanksgiving since he had to work, but he was with us in spirit. And besides, I was able to spend Xmas down here with him. So it was a pretty decent trade-off. I think my big gift to him was the fact that all he really wanted was a nice Christmas dinner at home with just the 2 of us, with Ham and all the trimmings. So along with all of the other things I got him, I told him that I would be making the dinner arrangements and since he had to work that day til 2pm, when he got home, we would be able to relax and have just that.

Now, having said that, lets start to disect this little dinner plan I had by saying that when it comes to planning, I like to think of myself as a person who plans dinners and events like a typical str8 man. No offence to any str8 guy out there, but once I finish this, U will see exactly what I mean. When I brought this idea up to the Husbear about a week prior to the actual event, I did also mention to him, while we were standing in the grocery store getting our supplies for the week ahead, that I would be taking care of the buying of the Christmas dinner, and that I would get that as the day comes closer to the actual Holiday. "Well wouldnt U rather get the stuff while we are already here?" he asked me, being as practical as any other person would be the week before Christmas. I told him, "Now dont U worry about dinner, we have plenty of time to think about that another time. I'll just go to the store the day before right after work. Im sure it wont be a problem." (Famous last words). He just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said "have it your way" and we dropped it. Now comes the big piece to the puzzle I did not factor in. I get off work at 7pm every night like clockwork and start to head home, so I knew I would have plenty of time to get in the store, get what I needed and be done with it and still be home in time to rest up for the big day. So I started to do just that. At 7pm, I got in my car and drove just a few minutes down the street from work and pulled into the closest SuperCenter store. Got out of my car and saw all the people getting their things prepared for the last minute supplies. I walk closer and notice that there are people walking up to the door just like I was, and then walk away with these dazed and confused looks on their faces, as well as seeing an underlying sense of desparation as they walked back to their cars. The only grocery carts moving were coming out of the store. The grocery store was just closing... at 7pm? Ok, I thought, this is only 1 store chain. Theres plenty of others I can go to. And so I did, and after 3 more stores, I started to finally reserve myself to that sense of panic. What the hell was the deal, its Christmas Eve, nowhere near 10pm, sure, the day of Christmas, the store should be closed, but not Xmas Eve, and by no means this early. I was mad and panicing at the same time. I didnt wanna make that phone call to tell Husbear that there would be no Christmas dinner like he wanted. So I continued to search. Well, 7:30 eventually turned in to 9pm and I was nowhere near any resolution to my crisis.

I got the phone call I was dreading, it was Husbear wondering where I was. I finally broke down and told him that I had been a fool about the whole procrastination thing and now we wouldnt be having a Ham dinner like he wanted. I felt like a complete idiot for thinking that the world catered to my needs at whatever time of the day I felt necessary. He wasnt upset in the least, but the opposite occurred. He told me that he was waiting for me to hear me say that all along. I asked him why he didnt warn me. He said that rather than to hear me swear up and down in the store last week that he was wrong to warn me that stores may be closing early that day, he would let me get out of this one on my own. I told him that I would have never done such a thing to him and that I would have listened to his every word and taken his advice to heart. Its funny though, he knows me well enough not to ever believe that, because I would have done exactly as he predicted I would. I would have told him to stay out of it, just like I did, and that I would run things on Christmas day and as my treat to him, he wouldnt have to lift a finger or do anything that day but come home and eat. Well, now that we got that out of the way, he told me to just come home and maybe something would be open tomorrow morning and I could get it then. He also said that he didnt really have his heart set on it, and I know he did, but he only wanted to spend a quiet holiday with me, dinner wasnt important. I thought that was nice of him to say, but I wasnt about to let him get the last laugh on that one. I had plans to keep. So I came home, tail between legs, and was kinda depressed about the fact that I had been stupid enough to think such a system wouldnt provide some free time for it's employees on what is geared to be the most "family" oriented holiday of the year. And I also contemplated the possible outcome of my stupidity, but somehow couldnt bring myself to rest knowing that Christmas Tacos were anywhere in my future, lol.

So I got up the next morning while Husbear was at work and proceded to drive around looking for some glimmer of hope, that somewhere, there would be at least 1 store open for even just a few hours on Christmas day in order to get those last minute, down to the wire, crunch time items. I drove for an hour and found NOTHING. I got to the last place I was going to look and found myself in an empty parking lot, well, other than the few cars that drove up within the 1 minute that I was there too driving past the main entrance as if someone inside would see them pass by and suddenly open their doors, lol. Not that it happened at all either. I have to say I had to break my desparation concentration for a few fleeting seconds as I passed those cars with their equally desparate drivers. I couldnt help but notice that they were probably all str8 men in the same predicament I was in, lol. For that split second, I felt as if I was not alone, but part of a bigger, more widespread clan of Dumb men everywhere, lol, other than the fact that I was not str8, and maybe the only one, but I hate being the one to represent "our people", lol. Well, I was reserved to just drive home and pull out ye old box of the standby taco kit and start warming up dinner when just across the street, I saw this small mom and pop grocery store, U know the kind, the independantly owned grocery store thats not exactly the best in the world but will do in a pinch. Lo and Behold, the parking lot was PACKED with cars. Its OPEN!!!

I drove over there as fast as I could and got into the store that looked as if it had already been ransacked from top to bottom shelf but only had a few things on each rack left. I got my cart as fast as I could push it without legally speeding down the aisles and snatched the absolute last ham there was, along with the rest of the trimmings, even got desert in the deal. I rushed thru checkout to get home, but not before I stopped and took a look around me to see the "clientelle" that was shopping there, and yes, U guessed it, stressed out str8 men who did the same thing I did. I felt better, but sadly, I dont think the guy I passed in the car ever saw that this store was open. So either he got lucky somewhere else, or he might just be making his other choice as we sat down to our Christmas dinner....soft or crunchy, (tacos) lol.

Well, I had made it thru that small near fiasco during the holidays and there was just one more hurdle to jump, and that was New Years Eve. We hit one party and then rang in the new year in one of the bars around town. Had a blast at both and then came home. Even the Husbear had a good time that nite. My choice in bars is not always his choice, but when he knows other people there, he can kinda get into the mood and enjoy himself more. I, on the other hand, tend to know lots of people so going into a bar alone doesnt bother me, well at least this one in particular. If I ever go into a bar alone and not know anybody there, I kinda disappear in the crowd and not say anything to anybody. Its just that in person, Im shyer than most might think. I mean, online, I am in my element, I can do, say, and show anybody anything I want. Under this persona, I am master of my domain, but I dont think I would ever walk up to someone and start a conversation. Thats just the way I am. But there, I had a good time mixing and mingling.

It still floors me that some people email and IM me and say they saw me somewhere but didnt say hi, because they were too shy to speak. Yet, in the same sentense, online, tell me what they want to do to me. Case in point, I was telling Husbear about a guy I saw cruising me just the other week who smiled from across the room. And of course, being the flirt I am, flirted back. He smiled, I smiled, (U know how it all goes down, I know U know how to cruise). Well, after a while, I guess we both tire of oogling at each other from across the room, so he disappears in the crowd. I pay it no mind and move on with my friends. Well, the next time I go out, I see this same guy, just grinning from ear to ear, and is much closer this time, so I smile back and we say hello. Keep in mind that the crowd is pushing us in different directions so there isnt much time to get too many words in edgewise without stopping and pulling off to the side. In the short few seconds we have together close enough to exchange any words, he asks how Im doing tonite. I nod and smile and say that Im doing fine. Well, he continues to move and says "Um Hmmm, Um Hmm" and keeps walking away. As he gets to the final point of not being able to say anything to him again before he passes, he turns to me, and says, "Cya, Mr. Woof". Right then I knew what he was talking about, and I never saw him again that nite. All I could do was smile and stand there dumbfounded that he didnt have anything else to say. He just kept smiling and eventually disappeared into the crowd. I dont get it. Wait, on second thought, I guess I do get it. I just described not 8 or 9 sentenses ago on why I am so shy in person, lol. See, writing this down is my kind of therapy in a way. U were just witness to me helping myself figure that one out, lol.

Anyway, the night was fun and we lived it up for those few hours up until and after the big countdown. I drank more than I thought I did that night because I seriously dont remember my head hitting the pillow. I mean, I was fine to drive and did fine because I know that Husbear would have said something if I strayed for a sec. I guess it all just kicked in when I sat down and just let go from all the exhaustion from the hustle and bustle of the parties. After that, there was a New Years Day pot luck we went to at a close friend's house with about 30 other people. It was fun seeing so many people after not seeing them for so long, like a family reunion. Some cousins U can see only once a year due to scheduling circumstances, and others U thank for having those scheduling situations, lol. Did I say that outloud?

So Im glad its all over with and now I can get to some kind of normalcy. Meaning, the pictures will keep coming, provided I can keep the site going. This set was particularly fun. We set up one afternoon in Tony's studio in what looked like a bed but was really a sheet over some boards being held up by a couch with a headboard frame at the top. (I told U he was a genious). We shot pics for the next hour and took literally hundreds. We do that so we can pick the best ones for the site. There is a whole method to the madness to doing it this way. I can see the whole process from start to finish in the pics. There are some that I wouldnt show anyone period because of blurring, poor lighting, my eyes were closed, etc. U know how it is. But in those pics are the good ones that I can fish out and really make the webpage shine. I think its really cool how they turned out. I hope U do too.

I will leave on this note: This site stays up and free solely based on the contributions U make to help keep it going. At this point, I need your help to continue. So anything goes when it comes to donations. I'd like to stay around here a very long time and every bit helps. Please remember that.

Ok, Off my soapbox, now on to the pics, and yes, I know its a lot to read, but I think it was worth it. Til next time;) Up next: the shower pics. Get ready, lol.

11/05/03

Finally, I have had some free time to work on putting this next set of pics out after some intense months being on the go all the time. Needless to say, I am officially WHIPPED. And just in time for the Holidays, lol, as if thats gonna make life any easier. I have such a full plate goin into the end of the year that Im sorry, but Chinette just wont do it, I need something stronger. We'll get by like we always do, though, by the skin of our teeth, as do most everybody else.

Anyway, I have been sitting on these pics for quite a few months now, didnt wanna put them out just yet with everything goin on with work and the Husbear all at the same time. He's doin fine, by the way, and is already back to his daily grind at work. Im proud of him for his speedy recovery and determination. Plus with a close circle of friends that we have, that made it that much easier.

These pics were taken as an experiment in a friend of Tony, my photographer's home. She is the sweetest lady U would ever want to meet. He was taking some pics of her antique furniture one day and came up with the idea to try some photos there. She was gracious enough to let us use her "parlor" for a quick session, which wasnt easy, since she doesnt live alone, nor was the house empty when we got there. We had to stop a few times and quickly get dressed for the occasional passers by, which made it kinda interesting, U know, the thrill of almost getting caught and all. In some pics, the light was too bright, others, too dark, and some downright blurry, but of course, thats what being a test model is all about, experiments. I got the pics back and most of them we had to scrap, but a few really blurred shots came out and instead of scrapping them for their flaws, I kinda thought they looked pretty cool as they ended up. The one on the table in the main page is my favorite. Dont ask me why. I do have a wierd sense of taste, if U cant tell already, but oh well. I gotta be me.

Anyway, I wasnt able to get any offers on anyone lending a motorcycle for a shoot, but Im still searching and hoping that someone will come forward with a loaner just for an hour or two. If not now, whenever. Thats all for now, Take care, and hope U like the pics.

10/15/03

Wow, what a difference a month makes!! I have been so incredibly busy with my personal life, work and the next thing U know, I look up and its almost been a month since I have written in here. Sorry for that, but if U have been keeping up with any part of this, U can already see my point.

First off, thanks so much for all of the support U guys have poured into my mailbox concerning the Husbear. That meant so much to both of us and it made his speedy recovery so much more worth everything we went thru. His surgery did not go as originally planned, however. He apparently had too much scarring inside where the original surgery took place, so they had to reopen the original incision. That set us back a few more weeks of recovery and a bit more pain on his behalf, but Im happy to say that he is doing much much better. He's already back to being his scrappy, feisty, pinching, hitting, biting, scratching, punching, kick boxing self, lol. Not good news for my easily bruised body, but its nice to have him back nonetheless to his normal routine.

In addition to the surgery, I was faced with yet another task, I was sent off to Canada for a 2 week business trip in Ottawa. A welcome trip anyday, since I do love to visit Montreal, just 2 hrs away, but the timing could not have been worse. The day after Husbear was finally released from the Hospital and in no way to fend for himself, I was on a plane to my new destination. That really made it rough to leave him, but I had work to do nonetheless. That left me with one goal, do what I had to do in Canada and get the hell back to where I belonged, at home with my baby. And thats exactly what I did. Im back and in charge, lol, so to speak.

Anyway, I will have more pics ready soon, I havent had the time to do much to the site since I just got back, but I do have an extensive backlog of pics to play with. Plus I will be getting back into the "studio" with Tony for more ideas. The motorcycle thing never really panned out, but Im still hoping. I'll keep ya posted.

Til next time, stay tuned.

9/22/03

Well, tomorrow's the date we both have been looking forward to and dreading for over 3 months now. Husbear goes in for his final surgery to undo the damage in the original incident, (see 8/1/03 below). He's nervous, Im nervous, hell, we're all nervous right about now. He should, however, if they stick to the original plan, go thru a much less invasive surgery which will ultimately trim down the recovery time by 4 weeks to only 2 instead of 6, like before. We're packed, and ready to go, with our sanity in check as well as our faith that he'll pull thru this in flying colors. To say the least, its been one of the most life altering summers of my life as well as his. We have both been thru the ringer emotionally, as well as him bearing the brunt of this whole thing physically. Im not gonna take up too much space in this installment, just puttin it out there to have as much positive energy thats out there to come our way during this trying time in our lives. If U're out there, wish him luck, and by all means, prayers are more than welcomed. Thanks. Im out.

9/5/03

Its been a hell of a week, but I finally found the time to put these up for this month. Just a reminder, Im lookin first and foremost, for a motorcycle to use in a backdrop, or just some more ideas to bring to the site. Lemme know thru email along with your suggestion or background shot and I will get back with U. Thanks again.

(wow, thats the shortest installment yet), who knew, lol

9/2/03

First off, I wanna send a BIG thank U to each and every one of U who sent in your emails in to wish my Husbear well. That really meant a lot to him and a lot to me as well. U guys have no idea how good that made him feel. As an update, he is doing very well and is already back to work for a few more weeks til he goes in for his 2nd and final surgery on the 23rd this month. He's ready to get this over with so we can get on with our lives, Im just praying that this goes as smoothly as the first one did, not that the first one wasn't nerveracking in its own right. We are both in agreement that this is gonna be the last hurdle, hopefully. So keep the prayers comin. Again, thank U.

As for myself, its been one of those months where U blink and its over with. I didnt have time to get any new pics out there. I have so many other things Im working on at work as well as home, as well as working on new ideas for this site. Just not sure how to make them happen just yet, U will be the first to know, however. Anyway, I have a request for U local guys in the Atlanta area. One thing I definitely wanna work on as far as a backdrop for one of my sessions with Tony, the photographer is, and this is one of my biggest fantasies of doing this site. I want to find someone out there with a motorcycle, not just any old mountain bike either, I mean a Big ol' HOG to straddle and do a few shots with. If theres anybody out there that has one or knows of one I can use for an afternoon, I would greatly appreciate it. Im sure U guys can pull some strings to get this ball rolling. Just email me with a picture of the motorcycle and I will get back with U on whether or not I might be able to use it. Also, if there are any particular sites or backdrops available out there for a perfect place for a photo shoot, let me know also. This also has to be local, but it can be either inside or outside, just as long as it is secluded. Unfortunately, I cant trek to some far off place to do a few pics, and I know there are some really cool places to do them. Oh, I know, maybe a cool Pool setting would be really nice. Send those shots in too. Be creative. I'd like to see what U guys come up with.

Although I havent put up the latest shots of me yet, simply because of the time constraint I have been under lately, I will very soon, not to worry. This is one of the outside shots I worked on this summer on a secluded mountain in the area, it was a really cool place to do these shots. A taste of what's to come, U more than likely saw on the front page of the site. I was really impressed with how they turned out. I will get these up in a few days, I promise. Stay tuned.

8/1/03

Well, I cant believe it, but its officially been a year since the site has been up and to look back at all that I have added to it over this year, I had to sit back, take a good long gaze at what I had accomplished and just smile for a moment. Immediately after that, I had to look a little closer and finally say to myself, What the Hell have I done??? As I had gotten better at putting things on the site, I forgot that I hadnt really had any real organization in it at all. I was just throwing up so many pics from so many different places that when it came time to find a certain pic on my PC, I didnt know what the hell I did with it. AAAAAGGHHHHH!!!! So with that, I decided, OK, get yourself some free time, sit down, look at what U want to do with this site, and then do it. So I did, but with that, I also had to just pull everything down and almost start from scratch. That took about a month to do, so each nite, I would come in here, sort out a few more pieces to this puzzle of a site, and build on it. From it, I have come up with a few other things I wanna do to it in the future, but one thing at a time, and do it right the first time. Remember that valuable lesson. And its GREAT to be back. I have continued taking a ton of pictures to post here, and they will be posted every month as usual, so definitely stop back in from time to time. Looking at all the numbers for the past year, from the little goal I had in mind when I started this thing of having maybe getting maybe 1,000 or so folks to the site by word of mouth or maybe posting the link to a few places would be a small victory. Well thanks to U guys, looking at the numbers now, I kinda underestimated myself. I ended the year with 66,947 hits to the site. That, to say the least, blows me away. I cant thank anybody but U guys for gettin the word out and coming back. I really appreciate that, and I am gonna make this site better and better each time I update. Also looking back, I realized all of the great opportunities I have had because of this whole thing. If it werent for my site, I would not have had the opportunity to take professional shots to improve the site. That was, I think was the greatest accomplishment this year. Tony and I work great together and he knows what I like to work with and he lets me get in front of the camera and do my own thing. To have the trust of a pro like that means more than U could imagine. Also, I have had the great opportunity to correspond with all of U guys who were nice enough to write me just to either say hello or at least that they made it to this site. I have made one or two lifelong friends along the way as well, who I will probably never meet, but they know who they are and how much they mean to me. Thanks guys.

As for the rest of my life, I have to say that I will always consider this past June to probably be one of the absolute trying months on record personally. I had a lot of growing up to do in order to deal with situations that I could not control nor should one person ever have to endure in that short amount of time. Not sure what the hell Im talkin about? Well here it goes:

It all happened on my Birthday, and at my last writing, I was completely geeked about just blowing that whole night out with the boys in the bars and lettin myself just go wild on the town. The night before my birthday, I had a surprise dinner in my honor with some coworkers of mine at a nice restaurant, and they were even nice enough to include the Husbear in their plans to add to the surprise. We had a great time that nite, and that made me even more excited about the actual day after. I had made all sorts of plans to meet a large group of guys out that nite at one bar, and then just go bar hopping from there. Husbear couldnt make it out that nite since he works so early in the AM, so with his blessing, I was free to roam the streets and have a good time. Work that day was pretty nice with a card and the occasional Birthday wishes as I passed down the halls. I couldnt wait to get home and get dressed and to have the real party start once I set back out the door for the bars. When I got home, I greeted the Husbear, who at that moment wasnt feeling too well, probably something he ate the nite before. He has these bowel issues from time to time that he deals with from time to time, never anything serious, just get lots of rest, maybe take a day off if it gets bad, and he gets thru it just fine. So I went upstairs, took my shower, got all prettied up, (and yes, I can use the word prettied in a sentence, get over it), and was not 10 minutes from leaving the house to let it all hang out, when something happened that changed the entire plan. Husbear called my name from the other room. As I went to get my keys in the room where he was sitting, he looked up at me, instantly turned white as a ghost, and collapsed on the floor holding his stomach. He was awake, but barely. I scrambled to call for an ambulance, and a few minutes later, I was following that ambulance to the emergency room not knowing what the hell just happened. On the way to the hospital, I was beside myself with fear, but at the same time, anger, at how this all could have possibly happened at a worse time. All those people are waiting for me that I told I would be there. I had made calls an hour before to confirm that the party was still on, what would they think when I dont show. Yeah, I was being selfish at the same time that I was afraid for my man's life. Its nothing I can be proud of but when U hype something up as much as I did all week, there's way too much going on in your mind for one person to control at one time. Im not proud of all of the emotions I was having at that moment, but I am only human, I cant even tell myself what to think or how to feel sometimes. So I dealt with that issue deeper inside myself. The main thing was my Husbear.

Well, I finally got to the hospital a few minutes after the ambulance did, only to find him curled up in a blanket in the Emergency Waiting room which was filled to capacity. They only dropped him off and left. I was livid. I started to question the so called admitting nurse in the waiting room office about why he was not back being treated, I got the usual response that there were other people sicker than he was who got here before him and need to be seen as well. He will have to wait his turn. I couldnt believe what I was hearing from this man. I looked out in the waiting room and saw each and every one of them sitting there, alert and chatting with someone who brought them there, and my baby, curled up in a fetal position in a small corner, still white as a ghost, shivering from cold sweats. To make a long story short, and I know its too late for that, we waited 3 hours in that waiting room until someone saw us. Once back in the emergency ward, they started a barrage of tests from blood to urine and then some, as he went in and out of consciousness from the pain meds they were giving him. I sat there in a cold, hard chair next to him waiting for someone to come in and tell us what the hell was happening. As I sat there, I was fighting those feelings again. Thinking that I could be out in a bar getting plastered with my buddies. Yet I'm here, this night of all nights, wondering whats wrong with my Husbear, who probably just had an abnormally rough attack on his bowels, they will give him more medication and send him on his way none the wiser. In and out of consciousness myself, I was still stewing with anger over such bad timing. That was a LOOONG night to say the least. Finally, at around 12 hours later and the roughest night of cat naps I have ever had, we got some news. His large intestine had ruptured and was spilling toxins into his abdomen. The bouts with his digestive system all his life had taken their toll. Then they told us something that shook us both. They had to operate, NOW. It was at that precise moment, I had no doubt what was priority in my life. I had totally lost it at that point. I had all these thoughts running thru my head over the fact that I might really lose him. Not knowing what to do next, never having been in a situation like that before, I panicked, started bawling and pacing the floor before Husbear told me to calm down and go home to get some things for him. I had about an hour to do this, so I scrambled outta there as fast as I could and made it home crying the whole way. I got his things, pulled myself together, and made a few phone calls to let our friends know what was going on. I got down to calling my mother, and I dont know, just hearing her voice just pick up the phone and say hello was all it took. I started crying incoherently over the phone for a good while, she tried to get some semblance as to what I was saying as I struggled to get it out. She started crying too once I told her, and she told me to be strong for him, go back to the hospital and be there for him, and I'll be here if U need me. That seemed to calm me down quite a bit enough to get what I had to and get back to the hospital, still panicking inside, I was at least able to make it back with at least half my wits intact. When I got there, he had already been checked into his room a few minutes before he went into pre-op. I told him that I loved him and that I would be waiting for him when he got back. They wheeled him away, they shut the door, and I just sat there and cried for a while.

The nurses were very nice to me, knowing that I was his partner, they called the room every 30 minutes or so to let me know the progress of the surgery. That helped me cope with a lot. Not knowing, I would have just popped right there. 2 hrs later, he was in recovery, and 2 more hours after, they wheeled him back into the room. He looked like HELL, I tell U what. Still groggy from the surgery, he opened his eyes, and I held his hand and I told him "welcome back, I love U, baby." I stayed with him as long as I could, then went to sleep at home. The nurses told me there was nothing I could do at this point but to let him rest, besides, I looked like I could use a good nights sleep in my own bed. (the Bitches, tellin me I look like I could use some sleep, U get some sleep, dammit, lol.)

Anyway, got back into the hospital and spent the day there, called my mother for the umteenth time to give her a progress report. She told me something that I didnt see until then, but she knew all along. She said that I was there for a reason that night. I didnt leave any earlier because I wasnt meant to. Besides, had I left before he had his attack, there was no telling what I might have come home to, and that I probably saved his life that night being there at that moment. And that was the truth. With something as severe as that incident was, I could have lost him that quickly, and I would have had nobody to blame but myself.

To make a long story short, yeah, I keep sayin that, dont I; I learned some lifelong valuable lessons in that night that seemed to take forever for me to learn. I learned that no matter how many plans U make with how many people, things can and sometimes will change without warning. Thats called life. Secondly, I was touting this whole experience to my Worst Birthday Ever the night before, when I realized the next day that it was my Best Birthday Ever, and I got the best gift of all, I got to keep my Husbear. He is alive, he is in good hands, and I he is still with me. Those lessons are very hard to ignore no matter how much else U wanted to do doesnt go your way. During his long recovery, I have really learned so much about myself in the way that I have had to care for him and do things for him that I thought that only people do in their 80s would do. From cleaning his dressing from surgery, to helping him up and down the stairs, even to help bathe him on occasion. As much as it might seem gross to some people who have never had to do it, it brings two people who really love each other that much closer together, and I dont mean in some sexual way, but in a more intimate way. Nobody who was just on a dating situation would probably stick around for some of the things I have seen and we both went thru. I think that was a true test and a bond to our love. That, Im happy to say, strangely enough, has brought us closer together. I included that whole ordeal in this site because of the fact that this is kinda my confessional therapy in a way, getting it all out. And to say that I am not proud of some of my feelings that nite, but also, because of the lessons I learned from it. If this helps someone deal with their similar situation, then its all worth it.

As an update, he is out of the hospital after a 6 day stay, doing fine, will return to work in a matter of weeks after months of being off, and is gaining strength every day. This I know from the fact that against my wishes one day last week, was out MOWING THE LAWN, the bitch, lol. He tries to do so much, lol.

Anyway, if U would like, and I know he would love this, drop him a get well message by way of my email address or just sign the guestbook and I will forward them on to him. He doesnt want me publishing his address here, so I will respect his wishes. Just put Husbear in the subject line so I will know to send it on.

In the meantime, enjoy the pics and the rest of the site, and most of all, take good care of each other, please.

6/16/03

Well its that time of year that we all sit and wonder, just how the hell was he allowed to get yet another year older. Yes, thats right, Its my BIRTHDAY this coming Friday, the 20th. The big 34 So U know what that means, Im going to hide like a mole the whole day til its all over and pretend that nothing ever happened. But would that be me? HELL NO! Im goin out that nite and celebrate with the Husbear at my favorite waterin' hole in town. I think its fair to have one day a year where U can just let your hair..... uh.... well, maybe not in my case. Scratch that thought. I'll just have a good time and leave it at that. Moving on....

Well, Im glad this month is almost over. It aint even summer yet and already, Im lookin forward to milder temps here in the city. But of course, Im never happy. Either its the endless rain that we got too much of this spring, or the blistering heat of the hot summer, which isnt even officially here yet, by the way, Im always complaining about the weather. I know I got that trait straight from the Husbear himself. He is always telling me what I now consider the Tall Tales of growing up in Wisconsin and Michigan where it snows sometimes til July and only got 2 weeks of official summer before the next freeze warning. All of which, I take with a grain of salt and a pat of butter. Why just a pat? Well with some of his exaggerations, I dont think he deserves the whole stick, lol. Anyway, I dont even know where I was going with the whole paragraph so I wont even try to remember.

Its almost Pride weekend here and I am definitely lookin forward to it. The park is always festive during and after the parade and is kinda like a big ol' family reunion with all the meetin' and greetin' that goes on with friends old and new. Some people just fall off the face of the earth year round until U spot them in a crowd during Pride weekend. U know who U guys are out there. Lets not be such strangers this year, at least try not to be, lol.

Im doin a few new things with the site this month. Trying a new idea by adding a link a Donation page. As I said in the past journal entry, this site has been quite a feat to keep up with both in man hours and financially with the bandwidth and all. So I thought I would take it to the viewing public to have an opportunity to keep it goin. I want to keep the pics comin, and the webspace popular, so any bit of help is always welcome.

Tony has been really coming up with the most interesting sites to take more pics. I have so far loved what he has suggested and even been wowed by the backdrops he selects for places to do pics. Last month, an old, abandoned warehouse, this month, a state park. Will be doing some of those shots soon, so U will see them too, but the ones I put out this month are from a park here in the the city. I had no idea how they would turn out, but we had a blast taking them, and the scenery was wonderful. I am definitely starting to like doing the "on location" shoots, those are the most fun. Trying not to get caught with your pants down, so to speak, is almost thrilling at times too. Never thought I would get into that, but yeah, its pretty intense. The pics turned out great too. Im no pro, but I'm workin on that, lol.

Well, thats it for this installment of What's New. Enjoy the pics, and if U get a chance, sign the guestbook or just drop me a Birthday Shoutout on Friday the 20th. Enjoy the pics

6/3/03

Hey Guys, I hope U all survived all the rain we got this past month. I think I ended up paddling to work more days than I care to think about. Good news is, we are in a surplus as far as rainfall is concerned in our area. The bad news is that it all came at once. I dont pay my water bill for the entire year at once, I shouldn't expect to get this much service in advance either, lol. But brighter days are ahead, and Im ready for some sunshine. Being inside all those days really put a damper on my wanting to take some shots outside for a change. That, coupled with the fact that the past month has been so busy with visitor after visitor passing thru, between my brother and his wife, friends of mine, friends of Husbear, and even the occasional unexpected guest, this house has had a revolving door on it that hasn't stayed closed for over a month. We always like the string of weeks where we get to entertain like that, but we are equally glad when its over.

Now that the weather is better, I have had a few chances here and there to come up with new ideas for photos I have wanted to do. U will see those in the coming weeks as I get to take them and post them. Thanks to all U guys who have come back to this site time and time again. I really appreciate it. It always gives me more motivation to improve it any way I can. So expect big changes coming soon. I also added a donation link to my site this month due to the fact that with all this traffic coming thru, it also eats up the bandwidth, which can become quite expensive when U add it all up. Coupled with the time, effort, and hard work I have put into it, actually, this site is slightly in danger of going under. Thats why I need your help. The Donation link is there, please use it if U can. At this point, it means the difference between me being here tomorrow, or I may have to shave my hair to sell in order to keep the site alive, then I would have to change my name from something other than Hry in it, and thats just not in my nature, lol. So if U can, dig deep. I know times are tough nowadays, but entertainment is costly, and this Woof wants to keep it comin. Stay tuned, pics are on the way real soon... I hope, lol.

5/10/03

Well I hope U haven't all forgotten about me just that quick, lol. I had gotten so used to putting my pics out there every month on such a rigid schedule, a schedule that I placed on myself, that it just became a bit too much to take on fulltime. Especially with my schedule the way it's been lately. U know the drill, work, work, work, paycheck, bills, lol. Well I finally had to put a stop to the madness, or at least slow it down a bit. So I decided to take a small break from posting as much as I did before. Instead, I decided to step back, decide whats the next rational step to take in this whole process of making a homepage, then come back strong and in charge of my own destiny. I have come up with quite a platefull to take on in the months to come but nothing I cant take in moderation.

First things first, Take a Vacation! I was well overdue for a little R & R on my part. So I was really looking forward to my trip to Key West last month. Husbear unfortunately had to sit this trip out because he was saving his change for a trip up north this summer for his 20th high school reunion. Something well worth his investment, so it was all good. I was excited about the trip in general. I was traveling with close friends somewhere we had never been to before. Time to relax, relate, and release all those troubles that forced us to want a vacation so badly in the first place. Well, that was the plan at least, on my part. Im sure U all already know of the dangers of traveling with such close friends. By the end of the trip, somebody's gonna lose an eye. Well I seem to travel in a pretty close knit core group of friends, and of course, we're gonna get on each other's nerves from time to time. But come on, when I'd rather just walk away from baggage claim as quickly as possible after the plane ride back instead of going on gut instincts to stab someone in the throat on site, its time for a break from the vacation, lol. I had a good time, dont get me wrong, but there is a reason why these trips are limited to maybe once every 2 years. And make no mistake, if I had the chance to do it over again, I would. These are great people to hang with, most of the time, LOL. I had a great time in a new place, got to see the local culture at its best, and did things I never thought I would ever do in my life simply because of early childhood fears, coupled with my predisposed notion that we as black folks simply did not do (snorkeling). Well, come to find out, that was the highlight of my trip. Myself, along with 3 others in our group said that we wanted to do it, I went along knowing full well that I dont, under most circumstances, swim well in shallow water let alone 7 miles out in the Atlantic Ocean. The trip out to our first spot was bumpy to say the least, and a good bit of the trip out was just keeping balanced in the boat let alone, trying to concentrate on not getting sea sick. I actually fared very well to those choppy conditions, and kept my wits as well as my breakfast a few hours before. Trust me, others were not so lucky. The fish, on the other hand, well, let me put it this way. The fish in that area may actually be accustomed to the handouts that unlucky sea goers "hurl" overboard each trip that tourists take out to that area. For all we know, they might be dependent on such handouts and no longer perform a useful function to their underwater society and then this would start a "deadbeat fish" society depenent on the free lunch program provided by ....... HOLD IT! Now that was way off base and Im way too sleepy I guess to keep typing sensibly, I told U my mind wanders way off the charts sometimes, but oh well. LOL. Anyway, we had a great time out there, I wont go into the details on how I fared in the water, lets just say I survived to tell another tale and just keep it at that. I did post a few pics from vacation this month to give U an idea of the beauty of the water and local fare that is Key West. I didnt feature any of my friends I traveled with since I didnt get their permission to put them on my site. Maybe one day I might ask. But rather bother with that, I posted what I felt I could. Hope U enjoy it. More updates to come, so stay tuned:)

4/1/03

Happy April Fool's Day, for those of U that happened to make it here on this day. For the rest of U, just be happy. Besides, if U complain, who else is gonna listen besides yourself. And I hate to listen to myself whine. Take it from me, its not a pretty site.

This month has been, to say the least, interesting. I mean like not in the way last month was strange, with my friends finding out my "secret", but I have to say that its been strange in the fact that I dont feel like I have anything to hide anymore. Its no shame to me, it never was. I just chose not to tell a small handful of people due to the fact that I didnt really want to risk having them judge me for something I like to do that they may not understand. Which turned out ok for the most part in the end once they found out. I still have my doubts about 1 or 2 in the pack, but its nothing I cant handle. To that, I would say, this slightly modified pearl of wisdom: It's best not to throw stones blindfolded; U just might open your eyes to find U were standing in your own glass house. Meaning, make sure your own house is clean before even trying to inspect mine. But I mean strange in the way that I dont have this dull anxiety sitting in the pit of my gut thinking, they are gonna find out and shit's gonna hit the fan. At this point, I really dont care what other people think about what I am doing here. I think its a cool little experiment to learn from, and I will never look back on it with any regret in the least. I think more guys should do it than are out there already. There is something absolutely freeing about being able to say that I have nothing to hide. I wear my sexuality on my sleeve, so to speak, and if I choose to wear them, lol. I feel like others should take the plunge and do it too, instead of being so "conservative" all the time. Everybody has a bit of "freak" in them. I have to say that this is about the wildest thing I have ever done to date, and frankly, I am enjoying the ride. Meeting all U guys that write in and chat with me has been the best experience to have. Not sure where all this is going since I just write what Im thinking and never really look back except to correct a punctuation every nowandthen. Anyway, I digress once again for the umteenth time, but oh well. This past month has really brought out a lot of old acquaintances out of the woodwork for me as well as new faces that just seem to be a bit bolder lately when they come up to talk to me. And they always whisper in my ear for some reason when they speak to me when seeing me for the first time, "Hey, I have to tell U that I saw your website a few days ago" and then they stand back with this HUGE grin on their faces like Im gonna melt away from sheer embarrassment. Lemme tell U, there's no such thing as embarrassment anymore once U have come public with something like this, well, I could stand there and belch Christmas carols in June while standing in a church full of old ladies after I've eaten a bowl of the Husbear's chilli. Gimme a minute and THAT would be embarrassing. But since that hasn't happened at all, I think I will be ok with guys walkin up to me to confess that they know what I look like naked. Its cool, and once they start talkin, they realize that Im just a regular guy that likes to have fun like the next guy. I even had a few friends of mine say that they were inspired to do a site of their own. I'll let U know when I have more info on that. Anyway, Im glad its warming up more down here in the ATL, not that we really had a bad winter, I just like springtime. And that means vacation best of all. Im goin down to Key West in April for the first time with the very friends that just saw my site for the first time last month. From what I understand, there are a lot of clothing optional resorts down there, and U better believe Im gonna check out the scene. I have only one other friend that wouldn't mind baring it all in a place like that. He's single but has a wild streak like I do, well, just not so public, but I do like his openness to try new things. Who knows, maybe its not so new to him anyway. But at least I will have someone to hang with while enjoying the "sites". The other 4 arent so willing to let it all hang out so to speak, so I will leave them to their shopping while we go exploring. No slam on them, but I just know they wouldnt be into that sort of thing. So we do what makes us happy.

This month's pics are up in the gallery. I have to say I am very proud of these. I think they are my best yet. I had a great time posing for them and of all the aspects of the site I like that the most. I have gotten pretty comfortable in front of Tony, so it all works out just fine and I think the pictures he takes shows it. I think he's a magician if U ask me, for the way he can take a regular guy like me and turn out such great pics. I dont have the best body in the world nor do I really strive to get "buff". I consider myself to be average and I'm happy with that. But he really knows how to bring the best features into the shots. Working with him has been nothing short of a real treat. Plus with the weather warming up, I think Im gonna really start doing some outside shots like they were meant to be done, outside. Mind U, the experiment in the back yard of the house was cool, but it was also secluded and we didnt have much room for a wide variety of backgrounds. Plus, it was cold as hell and at that point, I didnt really care, lol. So check back in the months to come. I plan on some really fun shots to do. Hope U like the pics this month. Til next time. Keep safe, and be good to each other, we're all we've got.

3/1/03

Whats up, guys. I hope the short month of February kept U all well. Husbear and I are doin well and are both glad its finally over. By the way, Husbear celebrated his 38th Birthday on the 26th of February. So if U wanna send him any belated B-day wishes, just send em my way and I will see that he gets them all.

It has indeed been a strange and quite eventful month here at the Woof House. To sum it all up, if I had thought to title these little inserts of my life as I write them each month, I would have to say without a doubt would be labeled: Surprise! You're BUSTED! What does it all mean, U ask? Well if U arent into long stories, move on, but for those that want to know, keep reading. It goes a little something like this.

Well, I will explain the Busted part first. Since I have been uploading and updating my page and even from the first concept of opening up this part of my life to the web, I always knew that someday, somehow, my closest friends might eventually find out about this site. I have a close circle that consist of about 9 or 10 that I can think of from the top of my head and have known them for years. We all have Sistas so to speak, and these are mine. To that, I had to kinda think the whole thing thru. What could be the concequenses of baring all on the internet. I thought of the reactions it might bring from my closest friends mainly; possible alienation, resentment, shock, outcast, let alone, the gossip of such a scandal that might beat all scandals to date. Was I ready for that kind of treatment from those who I loved as my Sistas most? I weighed the consequences heavily with that fact in mind before continuing. Would it be the butt of all jokes in their eyes from then on? I was fully prepared for anything but one outcome. I weighed those options and decided to think like an adult who has nobody to answer to but his spouse and he was behind me all the way. He even took some of the pictures for me. To hell with whatever anybody else thought and I went ahead with this journey. I went ahead with the site and have enjoyed every second of putting it out there. Besides, what have I got to lose if the one person that I care who I care what he thinks is behind me. Im not gonna be President anytime soon, not that I couldn't with recent scandals that have erupted so far and have been gotten away with. And I can't sing a lick, so I won't be standing in front of 3 musical judges in for the entire country to see me sing my heart out anytime soon, only to be kicked off for these actions I have done so long in the past. And to the one who did, and U know who Im talkin about, More power to ya! U go Ms. Davis. Remember a certain pageant winner who lost her crown because of such things. Yeah, that evil woman, America showed her, we never heard from the likes of her again, did we, lol. WRONG! I digress once again, sorry, U already knew I could be long winded, Just bein me.

Anyway, with that in mind, I went ahead and did it. And I posted a few pics on the web with a little philosophy behind it meaning whatever hapens, happens. No regrets. The response has been phenomenal to say the least. In the 7 plus months it has been up, I have racked up over 33,000 hits with my monthly updates and a lot of feedback that hasnt been anything but nice words on how the site has grown. I kinda amazed myself at how far it has come from just a small gallery of a few pics to what U see now. And I am very grateful to U guys coming out to see me here. Its been an amazing journey so far and I hope to do lots more. Its something I love doing and as long as I am having fun doing it and can afford to, Im gonna keep on doing it.

Now, keep in mind, with these 33,000 plus visitors, I knew that keeping it out of the hands of these 10 close friends of mine would eventually fail. Someone would come across it someday, and that day would probably bite me in the ass and I would have to face the music so to speak. Well I have had a few close calls in the past, most recently with the one mentioned in the November update. He, to date, for all I know, kept it to himself. In that time since, I have actually been "spotted" a few times by a few acquaintances along the way who have stumbled across it. And each time, they seemed to be quite impressed with the work I did. Nothing negatively said, to my face at least. One even came up to me in a bar that I frequent and told me that he was so impressed by it that he has decided to start taking pics and starting his own site. That in itself made me feel good about doing the site in the first place. And lately, just this past month, for some reason, I have been recognized out and about more which is kinda neat. To hear that Atlanta guys have been to the site and like it as well, it was nice to hear, but at the same time, I knew that was a double edged sword. The more guys I know here that have seen it, the closer it came to finally face the music with my closest. Words travel fast, gossip, travels like wildfire.

Well, it happened, when I least expected it and in the wierdest way too. Other than posting the pics to the site, I also do my webcam shows listed in my links section on occasion. I have done that less and less lately due to my rough schedule and that I have been spending more time with work and other projects. So I hadnt been there as much as I used to. But one night I was making one of my now rare appearances and was kinda in a wild mood. I not only showed, I showed out. And it showed by my actions. I was sweating something fierce after that hot session. I signed off, went to bed, and went to work the next morning as usual. Well, I got a rather strange email telling me how much they liked the show. It was an annonymous email, which was fine, but it was directed to my WORK address. Right then and there, 7 months later, I knew I was BUSTED. Someone knew me, first, and last name and knew enough about me to send it to my work address. That kinda pissed me off that to send that kind of email there, it would get my attention. So I made sure I redirected them to my other address. Never heard from them again that day, but I knew it was a short list of suspects due to the fact that very few people on a personal level know that know my work address. Only my "Sistas" knew that. And believe me, once one knows, they all know. We're that close. So I went thru the day knowing in my gut that it was all gonna hit the fan very very soon. But I already made that reservation that I wasnt gonna sit down and be ridiculed by the likes of them. We all have skeletons in our closets, in my case, I just dont have a door. I had a party to attend the next day with them, so I knew that it would be quite interesting to say the least if someone walked up to me and told me they knew. But would they.....

I arrive at the party just a little bit after it started and plenty of guests were already there, so call me fashionably late I guess. I didnt see too many people that I knew already so I made my way downstairs where there were some of my friends getting drinks. Well lo and behold, I step in the door and the first person to see me and give me a great big hug, then laughs quietly as he says, "Well, if it isnt the Woof man" or something to that effect. By that time I had just about frozen in my tracks and couldnt even concentrate on the second person reaching to greet me. Our eyes locked, then it was official, HE KNEW! I kinda stood there as the second friend was just chatting away, asking how I was and telling me all about something I wasnt hearing or even concentrating on at the time. I was fixated on the eyes of the first person to call me out on my little secret. We just stood there as he smiled. I then asked, "So, U know?" he keeps his smirk going a while longer as he nods his head. I asked, "and just how much do U know?" Without breaking from his nod and smile, he just said, "Everything". Apparently, he was the one, among the rest of the gang, that had seen my "show" the night before. At that moment, I knew that once he knew, everyone knew. I was kinda still in shock, yet, relieved that the hiding was finally over, but I knew what was next, I had to face the rest of the gang, who hadnt arrived yet. After I managed to hold onto and recoil from my "deer in headlights" composure, we went upstairs to join the rest of the party. The rest of my friends filed in minutes later. The first friend also confirmed that everyone else also knew. So I was prepared for that one. They just didnt say anything until I did, however. At that point, I was a little bit more comfortable with what just happened downstairs, so I approached them in the only way I knew how at the time, I walked up and said, "So, U know too?" They kinda looked, smirked, and then said yes. This went on thru 2 or 3 other guys that showed up, as we all sat around the table and basicly, the sentiment that I was recieving was that, Number one, they always knew I had a bit of freakiness in me, number two, this proved it, but number 3, they didnt look down on me any less for doing it. One even admitted that he was quite impressed with the show. Which made me feel a whole hell of a lot better. In the end, they laughed about it, and moved on.

The moral of this incredibly long and drawn out story is that in the end, if your friends are really true to U, they will be your friends no matter what U do. They may laugh about the outlandish, and I mean outlandish things U do. But they will never put U down or judge, as I originally thought they would. To that end, I was completely wrong for prejudging their actions when they did not judge me for mine. Therein lies the SURPRISE. These guys, are indeed, my true Sistas. Thanks, and I love each and every one of U. I have known most of them since I was a gay little twink in the early '90s, keep in mind, we werent twinks back then, we were just "young bucks" as far as I was concerned. But if they are your true friends, theres nothing U can throw at them to make them cast U out.

Anyway, enough of that. I added a few more pics to the site that I took earlier this past month. I think they turned out great. I hope U like em. Til next update, Have a good one.

2/14/03

Well, Its Valentines day here at the Woof house, well, pretty much everywhere, lol, all day, while supplies last LOL, I hope U guys have someone to cuddle up with tonite, cause its gonna be pretty hot around here. For those of U who dont have someone right how, its ok too. Your time will come soon enough. I love celebrating things, holidays are the most, but with a good reason, I will celebrate just about anything as long as its good news for someone, Im there to party.

In that mood of celebration, I posted my Valentines themed pics on the site. U can find them here by just goin to the 2nd page of the Stills Gallery 3 pics. Hope U like em, they were a blast to make.

Thanks to all of U guys out there that wrote in telling me that U made it to the site this month. I will continue to keep making the site better as I learn. Hey, also, if U like the site, send others here as well. Just tell one other person that might like the site or even post a link from my links page on another site. I love meeting new guys thru email and the comments in the guestbook are great and growing. I really do appreciate it. I have also been hearing from other Atlanta guys that happen to browse by, thru email. But never in person; why is that? People are strange about things like this. I dont bite unless asked, I dont smell, and its not like I dont know some guys know me on sight. I have learned to detect that "I KNOW" vibe quite well nowadays. Ever get the feeling U were being watched when U walk into a crowded room, not by the whole room, but by guys that sit there and stare from across the room with that stranger yet familiar look on their face, like they recognize U? Well its whats happening in a few places I have been. My gym being one of them, lol. One guy's jaw just dropped when we almost bumped into each other coming into the locker room. He just stood there. Didnt say anything. THAT was an "I know" look. Kinda funny, cause I just kept going. I wasnt gonna say anything. Would U have done things differently? I didnt think so, lol. I also get mail from long lost friends I knew years ago but for some reason or other, just dont really hang out in the same circle anymore. One in particular, and U know who U are, sent me the nicest email, we exchanged numbers to kinda get caught up with each other's lives, I called, several times, and just left messages. No callbacks to this phone. Hey Mr. PK, if U are out there, U owe me a call, lol:)

So the moral of todays story, kids, is that if U happen to see me and want to say hi, go right ahead. I don't bite, and if for some reason I do, I've had all my shots for this year. I do like meeting new people, except the vets, those shots hurt like HELL:)

Oh well, guess thats all that was on my mind for now. Tune in next time. Probably at the first of the month again. Got pretty good with keeping this schedule goin so far. Lets see how well I can keep playin beat the clock, lol.

2/1/03

Hey guys, Happy February, and U know what month that is for U lovers out there. Its Valentines day!!! Hope U all have something special planned for that special someone, or at least that special someone for the moment. I plan on makin it a good one for me and the Husbear. Speaking of which, I am sending all of the email that he gets from U guys str8 to him so that he can see all the luv U all have been givin out to both him and I as a couple. It really makes me feel good to know that there are guys out there that can see the love that we have and support what we do here. For that, thanks.

As I had said in my previous logging of What's New, I had mentioned the fact that I will be working to put a better quality picture portfolio out there. Thanks to a really great guy thats I am working to do just that. And for that opportunity, I am extremely grateful. He is a professional photographer by the name of Tony Foster who owns his own calendar and photography company called Personal Images Photography. He has been doing this as well as landscape photography for some time now and as it stands, I think this will be a great thing to do. I have posed for him twice, so far, and the pictures he has taken have been nothing less than extrordinary. I never thought I could see myself in such a professional light as he put me in thru his pictures. Plus, he is very articulate in his work. I think I need that kind of 3rd eye in my pics now and he is it. To visit his site to check out his work, just go to the Links page or click here at Personal Images. This month's update will have some of those pics from those two sessions. I hope U like them. If U do, please, let me know and I will keep em comin.

Husbear and I have been really talking about him making a some type of contrubution to the site. Not so much as pitures of himself, but he did express interest in adding a few notes here and there sometime in the future. Not sure what he wants to do really, but I will always leave a door open for him to express himself however he feels. Valentines day is coming up quicker than U know is so I better get something good for him. Im a horrible gift giver as it is, so if there are any meaningful suggestions, and I do mean meaningful, drop me a line.

Also, check back on Valentines day, and I will have a few extra Valentines Day bonus shots that I think turned out great. One example of them is in the beginning slideshow of the site. Like I said, I'm really looking forward to seeing how U like the rest of them when they come out. So I hope U do return for that.

Until then, Enjoy the site!

1/1/03

OK, first, Happy New Year, guys!!! I really am glad to see that U all made it thru the past year, well, most of U, and if U didn't make it thru the year, its kinda disturbing if U are reading this from wherever the hell u are, so please stop reading now, lol. The site popularity keeps growing every month but it gets a bit more expensive with the increasing bandwidth it takes to keep it up and running. I hope to have a permanent fix to that soon. Anyway, got those New Year's resolutions planned out? I do, and my number one goal in this year is to be a little more brief in my wording. As U already may or may not know, I tend to ramble more than my fingers can keep up with on this site. But I am working on that, so for U speed readers out there, skip thru this part and go str8 to the pics. I added a few more pages of the last "shoot" I did in the cold house. If U havent noticed yet, I have gotten the postings down to the first of each month. It gives me a whole month to plan the next phase of the site and to allow me to rest, lol, this aint that easy, but I'm learning.

Oh yeah, the musical slideshow at the beginning of the opening page offered quite a few surprises I had no idea about until recently. I didnt know that as a "side effect" of having it on your site, notice the small icons below the slideshow that offer mousepads, mugs, T-shirts and such. I never paid any attention to it until I clicked on an icon and discovered that U could actually order stuff like that with my picture all over it. Not something I had planned, and I get None of the money, just the "honor" of using their program. So DONT use it. I had nothing to do with it. Not that I would ever want to sell anything with my pic on it. Come on, its just me. So when U see that, move on.

I have to say, though that since putting up the site, a lot of interesting things have happened to me that I dont think would have happened if I didnt. First off, the emails that I get are just wonderful guys, so keep em coming. Secondly, I have gotten quite a few, how shall I say, "offers" for various opportunities. Video, being one of them. And some interesting photo ops on some other sites. I'm very flattered by all of this and will be thinking more on the lines of quality this year. Some of the offers are tempting, others, I wasnt too impressed, but taken seriously nevertheless. I don't really have any interest in doing video. Simply because number one, I would much rather do more photos than have to "act", if I am even capable of doing that. Im not an actor nor do I want to try to "act" like one, if that makes any sense at all. And number two, even if I did want to do video, the Husbear would not have it. I wouldn't either if I were in his position. He lets me stretch my wings on the web. That's primarily where I'll keep it. Unless an offer comes in that I would be stupid to refuse, lol, we all have our price, whether we admit it or not.

One really good thing that has come out of this is one guy in particular who I have started working with from time to time taking pics for me to use in my site. He is a professional photographer who does calendar photos for an up and coming business he has started from the ground up. And the best part is that he is right here in town. I won't be the feature model in any of his calendars, but the sheer opportunity to pose for a professional was too hot to pass up. Finally, a professional shoot! I'm excited about that more than U will ever know. Who cares if they dont make it to a magazine. Im not too crazed about that anymore. The hits alone on this site has made more of an impact to me. So I'm happy with it's success. I have already taken a few shots in his studio and cant wait to see how they turn out. The experience in itself was an amazing one to say the least. We chatted for quite a bit so I could get a feel for what type work he does. And I must say, I am very impressed with his work and his professionalism. We panned over previous calendars and portfolios and the more I saw, the more I knew that this would be a great match up for both of us. So on with the pics. I took a few posed pics with clothes on, then took more and more off after every few shots. Inside, I was a complete nervous wreck, at first, besides, believe it or not, other than taking my own pics, my lover, or a few very close friends that have probably seen me naked more at the gym, this was the first professional photographer I had ever gotten undressed for. He was even more professional at making me feel comfortable with that. I didnt feel nervous for long. He was GOOD. He took the pics that he thought I would look best in based on the poses that I posting here.. Then, he asked me to pick a few poses that I would like to do. He had been to my site and saw what I liked to do so he felt like I had a bit of imagination enough to choose my own poses. So I did a few, he tweaked them a bit, and we went on with the pics. I have yet to see them, like I said, due to lack of time, and the fact that the holidays does put a few more days between getting things done, but as soon as they become available, I will post them. I will also be adding info on his calendar info and how to reach him when the time comes. More on this as I am allowed to post. Well, I did add a few more pics from the last shoot I did in the cold cold house. I promised leather this time so they are also in the Gallery 2 section of the site. As an added bonus, some Christmas pics I took this month as a Holiday card I sent out to some choice viewers.

If I can ask a favor of U guys, I would love it if U havent already to take a small moment to sign my guestbook or send email. I really enjoy making this site and just like a little feedback from those that keep me inspired to post my work. I do answer all email and rather quickly, Im proud to say. So get to writing, lol. Secondly, tell a friend. I love new visitors to the site. Oh well, so much for my resolution this time, lol, I told ya I can get wordy. Maybe next month.. Lookin to hear from U guys soon.

11/25/02

Well, here we are, another installment of What's New for the month. I still dont know for sure how much I will be writing in this portion of the page, but at least it gives a bit of an update as to whats goin on with me lately.

Well, I'm not too sure if I had ever mentioned this before, but I wasn't really sure how I would react to the first time someone actually walked up to me and said that they saw my site. Well, that , coupled with the fact that it might be someone that knew me already. I knew it would happen eventually. Besides, how could it be avoided? The page counter on the front of the site counts the new visitors, ones that use the front door. But thru another surprise to me, it doesnt count return visitors by way of bookmarking a page past the counter. See, the front counter that I put on the site as of this writing just topped 6,500 or so. By that, I was thrilled to get anyway. In just 4 months of operation, I think thats impressive in my book. What I figured out later was that the site statistics in the site management program that comes with the setup of the site counts the other unique IP addresses of all visitors. To date, the grand total is just past 13,000. I kinda sat stunned in my chair for a while. Then I knew, this site wasn't as little known as I had first thought. Then another thought occurred to me, out of those thousands of guys out there that visit the site, what were the chances that someone actually knows me? The possibility of it not happening was getting smaller and smaller.

To that end, I have put it to rest that eventually, sooner or later, it would happen, I would be called out on this whole wild hobby of mine. What would I do, how would I react? How would they react? Well, it happened, and with someone that I know quite well. A buddy of mine in a very small group of close friends that I have known for years now was at a Halloween party I attended. The party went like any other with our gathering, this friend showed up. We said our hellos and after he got his drink we started to chit chat as normal. He then whispered in my ear, "someone I know wants to meet U." Ok, no big deal, we hung out in the same bar frequently enough, I knew a good bit of his friends there, sure, someone wanted to meet me. So I asked, "so where do they know me? Did they see me out with U?" He only said he would tell me later. Thats like him telling me that I had some life altering secret that he had to tell me, but tomorrow. Fuck that, I wanna know NOW. He asked if I really wanted to know? "DUH". But somehow I felt the chance of him tellin me about the site getting closer. I felt the hair stand on my neck as he leaned in to whisper another tidbit in my ear. He said, "he's seen your website". It was like he said it in slow motion, lol. I sat there and just stared, not knowing what else to say. So with my mind racing a mile a minute, I said something so obviously dumb that I should have known before I even said it. "so did U see it too?". DUH, lol. He said, "yeah, ALL of it". He kinda smiled and sat there. Keep in mind, this guy is like a "sista" to me, if U will. I never imagined him naked, and he wasnt really supposed to see me naked either. Well that went to shit, lol. I asked him what he thought of the whole thing. He reassured me with the following statement. He said he liked it and thought it was very creative and he would have done it if he had the "equipment" I had. From there, my mind was at ease. I then had to ask if anybody else knew, meaning our group of friends we hang out with. I know for a fact that we all have our own skeletons in our closets, but I dont know if they could really handle something like this from one of their own. He said not to worry, his lips are sealed and my secret is safe as far as he is concerned. Nobody that he knew of in our group knew. Not that I would have minded, but I just wasnt ready to cross that bridge with them just yet. However, with it being discovered that closely within the group, its a lot closer than I can contemplate. That Im sure of.

Enough of that, see how I go off on tangents, I do that a lot but if U dont mind reading, I dont mind typing. On to "What's New". This month, I have added the first of a whole slew of new pics that were taken just a few weekends ago. Now, keep in mind that when I set out to do new pics, I wanted a different angle. I have already taken pics of myself, by myself, and by my lover. I liked both points of view but I felt like I wanted yet another angle another photographer. So I recruited a friend that I could trust who I did tell about the site and has been following it for some time now to do them. For that "guest photographer's" point of view. He even provided the site for the "shoot". We had planned to do this on a weekend that we were both free. We didnt plan for what we were up against, the weather. More on that in Still Pics 2.

Also, my husband and I celebrated our 5th year together this month. We did nothing but sit around the house and enjoy each other's company all weekend. Not your typical anniversary by most couples, maybe, but last year, we blew it all out and did all the expensive stuff, hotel room, day spa, dinner. This year, we're just too poor for all that, lol. We did nothing and it was fine by us. We did have dinner out one night, but came right home. Thats about as romantic as I needed. Bein on the go every weekend puts a drain on you, your wallet and your mind. Makes U kinda appreciate quiet time together a bit more. Especially after 5 years, who needs a huge celebration. As long as I knew I would most likely wake up to see his face another day, thats all I needed for an anniversary gift. And thats what I got.

10/30/2002

I thought I would add a few more features to the site to keep U guys in the know of what might be going on in my day to day life. Its not gonna be an everyday thing, but something that I can put down at least as a mile marker of sorts so that I can actually come back and say, I was at this stage during the creative moments of this site.

Such as, the What's New page. So.... What's new, well for starters, I added a guestbook a few weeks ago, just slipped it in, if U will, no need to update everybody on that one, if U wanna sign it, please, go for it. If not, U can at least read some of what kinds of feedback I get from other visitors. Its gotten an OK response, but like I said, I didn't tell anyone. Oh well, I guess U will stumble on it sooner or later.

Also, as a word of thanks, I have gotten a lot of emails from guys like U that express the fact that the site is very personable, and they don't see many personal sites with this much detail to me bein a person and not just a site with naked pics of me. I mean, how much more can one take of that, lol. But, I meant to do it that way. And the response has proved the point that I'm just an ordinary guy that likes to take pics. To be honest, I never really expected so much as a response from anyone that happens to visit the site, and that is if they find it. So I can consider it a pleasant surprise.

Also, in a few of the emails that I get from time to time, I come across guys who really make me glad I did the site. They send me things that I don't expect. For example, recently, I got a drawing from a wonderful guy by the name of Willie, who took it upon himself to take one of my pics and draw me by hand and send it to me. I have to tell U that I was completely floored by the act itself. I liked it so much I added it to the site. U can see it in the bottom of this portion of this installment if I ever get done typing or my hands fall off thru sheer protest of overworking them. He also has a website that U can see other great drawings he has done by clicking on the link to Willie's Site, right here. Trust me, its a great collection of guys he has drawn over the years and I think U will be impressed as well.

I also received the slideshow presentation by a guy who also took pics from the site and turned them into this great work of art. Again, I was astonished that strangers took the time to do this for me. I cant thank these people as well as a few special others enough for their kind gestures.

Thanks guys.

Woof